Unexpected

Whilst not being the greatest of days and I've got an extra worry to carry with me for a while now, I've got to say that the appraisal went better than I expected, and though I wasn't looking forward to it, I think I can progress from here.

It wasn't a hang em' dry type of meeting, more of a well this is how you feel, then so be it, but I can't see why you are worried and you haven't done anything wrong. I should point out something here. I guess after all the problems I had at the school, not the previous one, but the two prior to that, and more so the original school, I no longer have much trust for my working colleagues. It is a crying shame that, and I work on my own as I don't want to cause any problems that I could get back to management. I've had tales told before and they have cost me so much, and still affect me now.

I've got to work through that, it's something that struck home today and something that I'm really quite worried about to be honest. If I can't trust those around me, then who can I? This is why I worry so much, this is why I am constantly thinking I'm doing wrong. I am expecting to be told I've done wrong, and that's why I'm on the edge so much. Wow, after so long I've figured out that. The only problem is that I've got to figure out how to combat that, and worse still got to do it on my own. I'm going to really introvert on this one and find myself all over again. Try and find that thing that generates trust and confidence within me. How the hell I'm going to do it I'm not sure, but here lies the challenge for the next few months. Let's get this show on the road, I no longer have to be an individual in a team, I can be a team player, I've always been a team player and yet that's something I've not been for a long time I guess.

The above process might take me to deep, dark recesses of my psyche, but it's something to be done. I've got to figure out how to trust everyone, and that's very important. It's important for me, but it may come as a shock to the rest of the team to find me really coming to the fore as such. If I can find that then the team will be complete and a different dynamic added.