Tuesday, December 31, 2013

How to be positive?

With an hour to go before the calendar year moves forward by 1, I need to review this current year.  It has been a struggle to put into words what this year has been like, so it may not read well, as I still have no idea what I'm going to put down.

I guess it started off well in January, I finished off paying off my debts, I could finally stop having to budget down to the last penny and I could look to purchase stuff again.  I know I'd gotten myself into the mess, and that I had nearly killed myself when the seriousness of it all came to light about 3 years back, but with some support back then, and a dedicated routine on repayments, I finally became debt free.  It has helped me though, I'm now more aware of what I'm spending on and how much I am spending and that's been something I'd needed to learn.  Many a post had been posted about not being able to do things because of no money, well repaying this debt was the reason for no money and thankfully it's done with.

It wasn't long though before I was put back into debt, or should I say I was offered the chance to go back into debt.  My aunt invited me out to Canada on holiday, she'd pay all I needed was my passport, but I hadn't got £80 to pay for that, nor did I think I'd have the time to get it done.  Thanks though to a couple of friends offering to loan me the money though, I got the passport, and that debt has now been paid off I'm once more debt free.  

Of course I was going on holiday and hardly had any cash saved up, as the above story showed, I'd only just paid off a significant debt off and thus whilst being debt free, I had no substantial savings, so back I went to a strict shopping regime to save some money up for the holiday, this helped as I know I lost weight, quite a bit of weight to be honest and I've kept doing so all year.  I still need to lose quite a bit, but that's a ongoing thing, and I know it's happening.  Unlike previously though, when I was shopping with a small budget, this wasn't to pay off a debt, this was for me, and I couldn't be down about it.  

My holidays arrived and all I can say is how much I enjoyed them, it had been so long since I'd been away and whilst I went at the worse time possible in terms of the weather, with floods hitting the region (we didn't get flooded, but roads close by got washed out), it was a wonderful holiday.  Just being some where different, somewhere where I wasn't thinking I was being judged and just being able to buy sweets I could recall having on previous visits, and soft drinks which took me back to times when I wasn't so entrenched within myself.  Of course it helped that it was right at the end of the hockey season, I got to watch the Stanley Cup Finals at a sensible time, not having to stay up till 3am for the face off.  I didn't want to come home, coming home was probably the lowest point of the year, I just didn't want to do it, even now I get upset just thinking about coming home.  

This has left me with some questions though, and one's that I have to explore.  I enjoyed Canada so much that if I could go move out there and get a job, I would do.  However, what job?  I guess it was the holiday and the voluntary work I'm still doing that led me to join a youth work course.  I know that the level I'm at I'd need to go higher to be able to take that with me to maybe work out in Canada.  However, I'd want to go and see what the playing fields are like before I make that move, I've got to see the market, see if there is a space to do what I'd like to do.  So I have something to work to and for.  

Going back to college was something I had to think about, after my previous experiences, I did question my sanity of putting myself through that again, but I've done it and whilst it's not been all a bed of roses, I'm happy I'm putting myself through it and hopefully things will get better after Christmas.  

So that was the year that was, one that I wish I could repeat over and over again, I've been further than I expected and could have hoped for at this time last year, I've met many new friends and many new people, I've even been to church...  though I'm not putting that down as a reason why I've enjoyed this year.  I doubt 2014 will match this year, but even if it's only half as positive it will be a good year.  I have to go back to around 1993 to say I've had a year to equal this past year, so I think I was due a good one.  

Happy New Year,
one and all.