Bemused

 I posted earlier today about the fact of how frustrated I'm becoming, I went out shopping and decided to post in Facebook, and to do a cryptic post, the problem is that I was a tried to be positive in the post though I'm not feeling at all positive and though the message is clear in what I've written, people think I'm in a good place because of the positivity.  It's a falsehood, it's bemused me to say the least, but at least I've got away this time with my clues to my mood on facebook.  If I continue to post as I did today, I wonder when someone will cotton on to what I'm saying...

Frustration kicking back in

It's been a few weeks since I last wrote in here, but I need to come back.  I can feel me dropping from where I had climbed to.  I need to do something to change my mood and to be proactive in that rather than letting things stagnate and cause problems. 

I guess it's the little things that once again consume me and bring me crashing down.  Again it's little things in work that are the issue.  I want to work, but the fact that I'm not able to is upsetting me, the fact that it seems I'm being shunted around once more is even worse.  History is repeating itself and I don't know what I can do to change it.  I just want to throw both the jobs I have back to the management and say take it away, they are causing to much damage than they are good.  More so my main employment whom are really pushing the boat out. 

I'm going to be honest, I like working in a team, I like to be part of a team, but the team that I've been put in doesn't seem to be a team at all or if it is, they've pushed me right out of the team and I'm no longer part of it.  It's as if I'm some spare part they've got no idea what to do with, they don't want to try and help me and so I'm being shunted out.  Maybe it's my age, maybe it's who I am, I really don't know but right now I don't feel any affinity to that group, nor to the management, which is fine, but I'm not going to fight as much as I have in the past to make things right for myself.  I see no point in expanding energy that is precious to me, on pointless fights.  I like part of my work, in fact I've loved the job, even if I've struggled, but I'm convinced that others have had enough of me and that's partly due to the fact of the situation between myself and colleague, they've taken the other persons side and so I'm not going to get anything.