Saturday, August 10, 2013

Men and Mice shouldn't plan things

It's been a few days since the last post, but I've been fairly busy considering since then.  However, it turned out not to be the day and nothing that I wanted to happen took place and further to that, another idea came and went and vanished into thin air as quickly as it arrived.  

This didn't upset me or disappoint me as I was quite prepared for failure, it was speculative to say the least, though the idea of lunch with my niece next week is a distinct possibility, and the location would be the same place that I wanted to go this week.  So you never know 7 days could be a long time to wait, but short in terms of long lasting legacy.  

Life goes on and I'm looking forward to tomorrow for some fun and games, which I've not had for a long time.  With the youth group I volunteer for, we are going canoeing, it's been ages since I went canoeing and I really do like the said sport.  Though I wouldn't say I'm great, I used to be competent and so if it's like riding a bike then I'll be fine, if not a little rusty.  Still that rust will shake off for sure.  Apart from that, not a lot has take place, I've just been doing things to keep myself occupied and it has worked I'll say that.  Today has been fairly quiet, but I've needed one of those days. 

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Could this be the day???

As a new day begins, I ponder what will happen, how I'll fill the time and yet some how I always find something, and that's a positive.  Something is a positive, as being repetitive can be a strain, it can be a negative.  Not that routine isn't a bad thing, but for me I find that I like to do things differently.

So today begins and whilst I've got an idea about what I want to do, it's more than likely not going to happen.  However should it happen, it could of huge consequence to myself and that is making me feel a little nervous, a little scared.  I don't blame myself for feeling like that as what I hope to happen could lead to my world tumbling down, or relief that I can move on and not pretend anymore to someone.  Those that know me, may be able to fathom out what I mean from that, and though the plan remains a secret of sorts, as it's not a guarantee to take place, it's not going to be published yet.  I don't know why I would want to do this, I don't know why I have had this idea now, but I'm going to go with the flow of things and see where it takes me. 

Perhaps I'm tired of the fighting, and this is the first move in a longer game to reconcile with others, but I doubt that should this plan take place and the out come be what I think it might be, reconciliation would take place.  Who knows the plan may happen and things might not move on, it's got potential to move the situation and potential not to.  This is all very cryptic, I am aware but be sure that should things happen from this, either positive or negative then I'd write a entry either later tonight or more than likely tomorrow morning.  


Monday, August 05, 2013

Strange Days

I'm sure I'm not the only person in this world who has had a day like today, in fact I dare say others around this planet may have had similar experiences today even, but I'm curious as to why these things happen.  

To begin with, let me explain for the past couple of weeks now I'd convinced myself that today was a bank holiday/public holiday here in England.  Maybe it was because of my phone's calendar saying Bank Holiday on this date, and so I've been building myself up for it.  Knowing that on a Bank Holiday, you don't get any post, you have odd shop opening hours etc, I was ready to accept all that.  I've been waiting for a parcel to arrive from distant fields for a few weeks now, but had an idea that between now and the next week or two it should arrive.  

So this morning arrived, I had a small drink last night, nothing to get me drunk, though I did struggle this morning waking up, and was going on a go slow as such.  So after breakfast and a watch of a tv show, I left my room for the bathroom.  Lo and behold we'd got mail through the letter box, which confused me, more so as I could see a card from the post person saying a package was too big, even though I'm at the top of the stairs I knew it was mine, but I was confused as it was a holiday.  So I collected the post and my card, came back to my room and then went to the bathroom.  On my return I checked my phone, and it's only a holiday in Scotland, which made me feel slightly stupid, but it had thrown me considerably.  All day it's felt like an odd day, I've not been at the races when people have spoken to me, I've left things on counters and generally just not been with it.  

Why is it days like this happen, it's not new, these days happen through out your life, why is it that these happen?  It's not as if you have a switch and can switch it on or off, so why?  I really would like to know.  I know at the camp I was on I got a day behind the world for some reason and kept thinking it was the day before it actually was, again I don't know why.  I wish I knew the answer, because I'd stop myself from having these sort of days.  It's annoying as when I go to bed I tend to think I've lost a day for no apparent reason.  I can't even look back and give a logical argument on these things as I can't.

Regardless of that the parcel was mine, it was very nice to be able to go collect it, knowing that I'd like what was inside.  I know I enjoy the mystery of a letter or a card, when I'm not expecting anything, but knowing what was in the parcel didn't diminish the excitement or joy once it was opened, and I know someone else will be excited to hear that it has arrived as half of the contents belongs to them.  Which will make them very happy, or at least I hope it will. 

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Keeping the dream alive

August is upon us once more and sooner than we will guess so will be the end of another year, it has flown by this year.  I've already mentioned how good this year has been in a previous post, so I'm not going to go over that again.  Yet, it's hardly 5 minutes or so it seems that I got the phone call to go to Canada.  

I know that I'm looking forward to possibly a new beginning in a few years time and whilst my target may never happen, this dream is more probable than my lifetime dream of canoeing down the Amazon.  I fear that may never happen and that I may never even get near the said river in my lifetime.  It does though remain a dream and I'm not going to stop dreaming about that, and why should I?  It would be a remarkable experience to undertake and achieve.  So I continue to dream that one day I'll be in a position to do such a wonderful dream, and that whilst my realism dampens that dream, it's not going to be taken away from me, nor has it over the years.

That's possibly the strangest thing I've written some how, but it's true, I've never lost the above dream.  It's kept the same despite all the other things falling around my ears, and the realisation that a lot of my dreams will never take place.  Why has that never wavered or altered?  Why if I can maintain that dream, that I have so easily and quickly lost other dreams??  What is it that keeps that going?  Why can't I see what that holds on me and apply it to the others?  It's strange isn't it and it isn't easily explainable if at all.  

Looking forward though, these new dreams are possible, but I've got to work at it, I've got to learn, I've got to research and then deliver, before even contemplating putting the second phase into action  If, and I say if it comes off, is there anything else really holding me back from this dream?  You know I don't think there is.

Something happened in Canada, I can't explain it, and I can't recall saying this here, but I'm going to say it now, I've got no attachment to where I am any more, it's just a place I live, yes it's home, and always will be, but home no longer has a leash around my neck.  It's time to move and move would be the thing I would do if phase 1 of the plan goes to plan.