Saturday, October 21, 2006


I think I've managed to stop people from reading this blog, by my lack of posts of late, which means that I may be able to write and keep this place active without any one caring or bothering what I write.

Not that I wanted that at first, and to a point it's never been about what others read here, it's how I feel and what I want to write. If I didn't have anything to write then I wouldn't put it down in here. I do have things to air, I have views and problems that whilst not solved in here, can help me over come them.

Well my train of thought here has been lost! I've just had my mail for the day, and if anything it's derailed my mind. I'm in serious trouble with my bank, and yet they are too blame. Why set limits for people only for them not to adhere to them? I'm really angry at this. I need help with my money, something that increasing my hours would help, but by the sounds of things that isn't going to happen at all. I'm so desperate that I'll do anything. The problem being that I can't do anything at night or through the day to be honest. I'm so knackered that I don't know what to do. I doubt I'll ever be sorted and doubt I'll ever be able to afford anything again that I want.

Others survive, but they have other means of income and tend to have 2 lots of money coming into the household. I'm very tempted to end it all right now, I can't see a future for me at all. I was just thinking about possibly going to see Lisa at some point prior to Christmas, but that has to be shelved right away, and I can't see me doing that till at least June of next year. It isn't fair, I've worked all my life with the exception of 6 months after leaving Uni, and I've nothing to show for it. I'm so peeved off that I just don't want to carry on.

I was just getting over things till this came around, I can't understand my bank at all, they must have some sense on this. I'm going to go in and complain on Monday. I've had enough of them to be honest. What can I do to help myself when they take charges off me and then don't stick to the limits they've set. It's tangamount to robbery.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


I promised and failed to deliver the blog entry to describe the time between the previous two posts. I'm sorry one and all. That's the apologies over with.....

The past few weeks have been a journey of little bumps, and have made life a tad boring to be honest. I've done nothing of real note that would make interesting reading. That doesn't mean that I should forget or not write anything as that makes any catch up period for any reason a real difficult process.

The two weeks I had off from work were for the main uneventful, as stated previously I took mum to the Lakes, and that was about it. At no point did I go anywhere of real significance. Ok, so during the last week of my holidays I had my 35th birthday, which was celebrated with 3 cards (I don't normally count, but 3 is a significantly low number). Out of the 3 were two from family, and the other Lisa! So where was the card from anyone at work? Well that's a story to be told.

Last year I'm sure that I stated that I didn't get a card on my birthday, and that they claimed they had the wrong date and all that jazz, well this year I sort of wondered what would happen. My birthday was in the middle of the week, so any card could have been sent at the start of the week, no problem. None arrived on my birthday, which though a little hurtful, I guessed that they may have made a mistake again, but come the Thursday morning I was going to London for a LBGT meeting at head office. That was a really enjoyable experience again. Mainly as I'd never been inside of head office, though I'd been in and around the area, when visiting Eden a few years back.

So come the Thursday morning I headed off to the train station, in the knowledge that no post had arrived and thus they had the Friday to redeem themselves at work, as that would match the date they had on the list from last year. I got to the train station and got on the train and to be honest the journey went really fast. I read the first Lance Armstrong autobiography, which filled me with so much fight and spirit that I forgot all about the card situation. Once down in London and camped in my room for the night, I read a little and listened to music, via my phone whilst resting before tea that night.

The meeting was one of the better meetings and I was thrilled to see so many colleagues from head office attending the open session we had after lunch. It was a positive sign and an idea to carry forward to the next few meetings. I'm sure that we can continue this. Anyway, once home, I found no post again. This hurt, work had obviously forgot it was my birthday and this was just a negative reinforcer that I'm not liked that much and that I'm easily forgetable. I vowed that I wouldn't sign any cards within the office for anyone else as it would be hypercritical of me to do so.

I think that move made people sit up and ask why I wasn't signing cards as I got back in there were three cards to sign and I didn't sign any even though they were thrust in front of me. I know one or two asked why and I just said it was personal to me, and not those to whom the cards were intended. Anyway, in the end someone either did there own detective work or guessed what the situation was, and within 3 days, I'd got wine, chocolates and flowers with belated birthday cards. Ok, the thought is nice, but the action has taken place and I was and am genuinely hurt.

That was minor though, nothing to throw me into the depths of despair, that came with the news that my car needed £160 worth or repairs to get it though the M.O.T test for another year. I know the car isn't worth much more than that, but it's essential for me to have my car, and when the bill came I knew that I'd be left with little or no money for the month. Things since then have been rather difficult and if I'm honest have been rather depressing, but I'm not going to let that get me down. It's not something that I could have predicted or prevented. The age of the car and the timing are against me, with car tax and insurance all due at the same time as the M.O.T it means that time of the year will be difficult whenever.

I shall point out here, that in an effort to combat that I've asked at work if it's possible to increase my hours from 21 per week to 31, which would mean a significant pay rise. I know that in the past I would have been asked by now for this, but it's a different situation right now and I've asked out of hope and have been honest with the project manager that the main incentive for this is money. I don't mind doing the extra hours, the amount of times I've been over my hours at work should show them that I'm willing to do more hours. We'll see where we go from here on in I guess. With my line manager leaving shortly I may be in with a chance, but that's all a chance.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

18 Long Days

It's been 18 days since I last wrote in here, and I was getting back into the swing of things as well. So I'm going to have to give this place some real thought and some time for a long post trying to recollect the missing days and also what to to write about some of the things that have taken place.

I guess the biggest part of the news is that I'm now officially a year older than I was when I last wrote here. The years are flying by, and they get quicker and shorter as time goes by. So I guess that I'm going to have to blog more often to keep up with time then!!! Tonight won't be the big entry, that will either be Thursday or Friday, most probably Friday as I'm not in work and I can really sit down and write till my hearts content. Nothing to prevent me writing in here for a a full 24 hours, but that entry would probably take 24 hours to upload up, so let's just wait and see.

I'm really sorry for not writing in the past 18 days, it's not as if I've not had time to do so, it's just pure laziness and that's down right poor form from me. I need to buck my idea's up. Whilst I don't know how many of you people come back on a regular basis, my continued absense from writing will only jepordise those few who constantly read the ramblings that I call a blog.