Thursday, May 31, 2007

A little time

OK, so this post is a little late in the making, but I guess I don't have to post everyday or every week for that matter however it's more interesting if I do and it's in general better for myself if I do. I think that during this good spell for myself that by posting not only here, but also over on my MYSPACE blog, I'm getting all the good and bad points out and it's really interesting to find that by trying to get both sides of me out into the open, I'm making my own world a better place to live. I'm a bit more settled.

So this week has been a quick week in many ways as Monday was a Bank Holiday and thus no work, and with me having no group on Tuesday I was free again (though I did go in and help someone out). Thus on Tuesday I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3 with my niece and mum. It was my niece that wanted to go, so we took her, having taken her to see the previous film in the series. It was way too long, but it wasn't the worst film I've ever seen, that goes down to possibly the Spanish film that I went to see with Liz a few years back.

Yesterday was a tiresome day, but it's helped. I guess that over the past week or so, my time of going to bed has increased or if I'm in bed early, I've not been sleeping soundly and waking early. So I'm getting rather tired, rather quickly and yesterday was no exception. I don't think it helped having problems with my PC when I woke up, thus further delaying this entry. Once that had been solved it was straight into work and then training, more work before heading off home. Once at home I had other issues to deal with and then I could relax. However last night I slept better than of late, and feel a lot better this morning.

As for today and the weather guide? The sun is bright, the sky is blue, however there is plenty of white and gray clouds up there, and me thinks it could rain at some point today. I hope it's in the afternoon as I'm working in the morning. Then tomorrow is my normal day off. I've got no work planned for tomorrow, but we'll wait and see what's going to happen before making any plans. If I am free, it may be an idea to take mum out shopping somewhere different. It's been a while since we did anything like that.

Sunday, May 27, 2007


I'll start this entry with nothing but stupid thoughts as to where this is going. I've already accepted that cracks are showing in my bright mood of late, and I can't identify where they are coming from, but cracks are there.

So this is going to be jibberish, this is going to be about anything and everything that's flying around my head. If anything this is going to be a version of Monty Python's Flying circus, but from my head and not the genius that wrote the original. Yet, how dare I compare my mind to them? Well it's in a head that functions ok for an abnormally functioning head!! See what I did then regular readers, you'll NOSE what I mean by that..... Oh the joy of punning, it's a smile bringer.

Alex and Jose the squirrels that inhabit the back garden, who squabble constantly have returned. I've not seen them as a pair for ages, and neither of them seem to have grown over the early spring. I wonder just how much sleep they had this year. Still it's enjoyable to watch them, as them fighting is one of energy and speed. It's an observational skill test to keep up with them, but that I can after months in squirrel fighting observation school, other wise known as not having a job to go too before 2pm....

See my head is spinning with silly ideas, and I could continue, but I want some of this silliness to be retained in case I see my niece and then I can throw some of that at her, and keep her happy, whilst giving me something to put my energies too. It's a tricky place in my head, any magician's wishing to trick in my head can do, but by that you have to go inside and fool some of my brains guards with slight of hand. See Why would I want people inside my head? This can't be right? Am I on drugs? No, have I ever been, apart from prescribed ones? No, so this is just odd.

Friday, May 25, 2007

That was odd

Well I'm back from my trip to Dudley and though I didn't get the pictures that I wanted and didn't do some of the things I wanted and did something that I wasn't too happy with on the whole it was a positive meeting. I'm learning on what I need to do, and where to go and that's important I guess.

So what of anything else? Well it's a bit odd I guess, on the one hand I'm empowered by work and yet underwhelmed also. I don't quite know how to describe how I'm feeling towards my job right now. OK, so I'm looking around for another job within the same organisation, but would it be a case of jumping out of the fire into the frying pan? Would I enjoy myself half as much if I left? I can't answer either of them, but right now my actual place of work is not good, but the work is excellent. How I change that I don't know? It's not that the people that I work with (on the whole) are wonderful, it's just one or two people that are spoiling it for us all.

Enough of that rant, it's close to being a great day again and I'm excited that the weekend is upon us again and the end of the football season is neigh. It's a bank holiday weekend here also, so Monday is a free day, which means a nice lazy weekend, even if my sister has alternate idea's for doing more jobs around my mum's than is needed. I'll do a bit for sure, but that's about it.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Photo shot time?

I'm off down to the middle of this country today for a couple of days of meetings. I'm looking forward to the distraction and the fragmentation to my normal week that this will bring. I've said before that I'm looking forward to it, and now that I feel that I've played my correct part in this I'm even more contented.

Yesterday was a quite day and one which I'm sort of glad about, it's worked out well and life goes on as normal today. I won't be around to post anything till Thursday or Friday, but by then I'll have a hotel to describe and perhaps a little bit of history and a few more photographs if I can get away from the meetings early enough as such.

Monday, May 21, 2007

It's still early morning, well early for some people, but I've been up close to 2 hours now and I'm ready to face the world. The sun is shining and a cool breeze is blowing outside, it promises to be a fine early summer's day if it maintains this.

So the weekend didn't go to plan, but that's football, I can't predict that and it's one of the few things in life that whilst it makes me down, I can recover from quite quickly. Saying that however, I'm still not down, I'm still on this high and I'm getting used to this right now. Perhaps it's time to call Debbie and arrange some sort of meeting with her. I'd rather see her like this than when I'm down and her having a go at me for being that way. However that's for later today I guess and to try and get something sorted.

This week is a fragmented one with work, due to my union meeting tomorrow and Wednesday, so it's going to be a good week in that respect, followed by half term, which is always fun as I get to alter the times for all my clients and make sure that I've got everyone finished by 6pm if not 4pm. That's the beauty of this job I guess the fluidity of it, which can be a problem for the children, but it's great for everyone else.

I should point out here that the post that I was looking at within Barnardo's last week isn't going to happen just yet, it was promising and it's something that I'll keep an eye on, but due to it not being a full time post I'm not going to pursue it further. I contacted the school as suggested by HR, but they did say that they currently have no full time posts available. In a way I'm very glad, I wasn't looking forward to moving to Yorkshire for the post, but had it paid better then I had to consider it very seriously. Still I'll keep looking for posts here and there and see what's out there. I'm happy at Salford Families, but it's all the in fighting and management style that is getting to us all. I don't think we're being heard by anyone and that is so frustrating as we are a good team, one which does our job and is will to change and adapt to any circumstances. We'll wait and see what happens from the "team building" course they've sent us on, but I'm unsure if the management team will acknowledge what has taken place.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Eating Out??

The week is almost at an end and the new week upon us... A weekend to enjoy or a weekend to curse and cry over is around the corner. It's the FA cup final and my team are playing, it's one game, to win or lose, no draws and no one remembers the losers. This is the ultimate game and whilst not nervous yet, I'm not looking forward to it.

Still the week at work has concluded and I can take a break from work next week by going to the Unison meeting. I know I'll be working there, but it's different and it takes me away from the trials and tribulations of the project. This week hasn't been the best, but it hasn't been the worse either, and at times it's been a really nice week, but then like most weeks at our place one or two little things spoil the whole thing or at least bring the enjoyment level down a peg or two.

I'm not going to let it get too me, and I'm full of positives right now, it's unreal how long this mood is going on, it could be a record shortly, but I'll wait and see. I don't think that I expected this right now and that's what's making it special. So confident and happy am I that I'm even contemplating asking a long time friend out for a meal this week. That's something I've not done for ages, well not anyone apart from Lisa. So that's an indication of my confidence and mood.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Gray Clouds

After the bright start and subsequent good day, the weather has altered again here, the clouds are gray and hey things look a lot bleaker. Why should that be, I've been really happy of late, what's changed? Nothing has changed, I'm still OK, though as each day passes with this wonderful mood, I can but fear that the drop at the end of it all will be huge. I'm feeding this journal with lots of positives and yet we all know that it's going to change at some point.

I've made many a entry saying how I hate myself, I hate my life and my job (previous of course), but they will be added to I'm sure. It's really crazy to be looking at that after all the work I've done with my counselor over the last 6 months or so, but I am. However, I do think that I'll be able to halt the decline quicker than I have of late and the bump at the bottom of the cliff will not be as bad as normal. That's to come though, more on what's going on NOW!!

I guess it's life as "normal" right now, just plodding through trying to get everything at work going well, or should I say going well for myself. I must admit that I feel a bit selfish at work, as I'm one of the few that is truly happy right now and one of the few who can claim to be enjoying things again. Others are down, unhappy and on the whole not enjoying work. I've been there and they have tried to help me out of that state. I've so far shied away from that mainly because they've all made it known that I need to calm down a bit. It's because I'm so happy that I've found a spring in my step, I'm alive again and I've said it loads of times, it's really difficult for others around me when I'm like this, I'm so full of everything, wanting to make a joke out of everything, time doesn't matter for me, I could work all day and still be as happy as I am right now.

Whilst trying to be more aware of the effects of ME on others it brings home that I'm so unique that it's difficult to place me in any category to be honest. I think it's a strange combination of what I am, where I am and most of all who I am. When all 3 kick in at once in terms of being OK, and I stress OK (I'm not 100% on myself, never have been, never will be), but just a general over 50% on all of them has helped bring me to here, and it can scare people, but the 1 thing I do know is that when I'm like this the clients at work benefit. I can expand more energy on work and do more things than I would do when in a general downer on everything. I'd be quite happy to work every hour of the day, but I know I can't.

Next week I'll be off to Dudley for a couple of days for a meeting. I know that the meeting will be a long one on the Tuesday, but once it's finished I'm hoping to be able to pay homage to Dudley's finest son, Duncan Edwards. I've mentioned him here so many times and yes I've seen the statue, but I just want to go there again see the other memorials to the legend that was Big Dunc. I'll have the energy, maybe not the time, but will I care?? I don't think so.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Summer is close

I sit in front of my PC and infront of my wind0w, and prefer to look out of the window than at what I'm typing.... I'm good at touch typing, so I can do both at once. However I'm being distracted by the vast array of greens that I can see. It's a sign that summer is almost upon us and the final throws of the winter months has gone. However yesterdays weather was very much different to that which we would like, constant rain. Still that was needed and I don't mind the odd day of non-stop rain, it reminds me of my childhood. I'll try and take a picture from the window in a moment, the only problem being of course is the scaffold that is still up and seemingly never to be taken down. The tree in the neighbours garden that was cut back last year has found life again and though not as pretty as once was, it's still nice to see it covered in leaves as opposed to nothing.

So what of this week? Well work is the thing I'm concentrating on more than anything. Though nothing is wrong as mentioned last week, I've still got one or two issues to resolve and they will be done this week, if not within the next couple of days. I'm sure that others may not enjoy these outcomes, but hey that's for them to moan and not me.

My mood is constant and even if I've got nothing to maintain it with or too look forward too, I'm trying so hard not to let anything effect me. I am flying at the moment, and that's so good, it's positive.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Bold Predictions

I have a nasty habit of making predictions that come back to bite me and very quickly too. Yesterday was a prime example. I made a point in my last entry in here that I had only 2 boxes of stuff to go through before being completed. Well I was wrong!! I found a load of stuff in the back garage yesterday, stuff that I had no right to remember what it was or where it was. The fact that I found it is good, as I can now really say I'm sorted, however it's still a pain in the backside to see things that I'd long since forgot about or just didn't want to see there in front of me again. So today or possibly during the week I'll go and get rid of them.

Then to add to the fact, that I didn't expect Lisa to call me, and I hadn't really to be honest. She calls me just as I'd agreed to go and take and collect mum from bingo. So what? Well apart from not being able to drink, which would have been nice as I could have done with something to drink. Still it was for the better and it was nice to see Lisa and Wayne all be it in difficult circumstances for them. I do hope things get better today.

With that done and dusted I greet today with a spring in the step and a bright approach to life. I've promised Amelia that if she arrives at mum's and the weather is nice, we'll go out. I don't know where yet, for some reason right now, I'm thinking Lyme Park, maybe because I saw it in some of the stuff I got rid of yesterday, but it's some where different and some where to let her play as well as run around. Let's see how the day goes shall we first of all. I don't want to be out too long with her, but then I wouldn't mind not being at my mum's whilst her mum and dad are there. I'll have to balance things out.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

A little Self Promotion

I'm not one for bigging myself up as the regular readers to this blog will know, however a little bit of self promotion is in order.

I've started something over on Myspace, the link is the last one in the side bar, and though I've got the blog going, it's going to be slightly different to this place, trust me I'm not going to neglect either and both will be slightly different. Maybe I'll end up with some sort of medication for split personalities, due to me writing two different views on things. This may be the sad part, that the happy, perhaps not. The direction for that one is going to become more apparent as time goes on, and also it's appearance will alter over the coming weeks and months, once I figure out how to work html.

Anyway what else has taken place since I last posted in here?? I've had an extra long supervision meeting at work, which went quite well if I'm rather honest. I do enjoy supervision, as it's a chance to be honest and frank with my line manager, and also be able confront any problems within the team that can't be dealt with by ourselves. It's something that I wish I had whilst working at the school, it would have made my life a lot easier for sure. However that wasn't to be the case and though I started this blog after I left the school environment, it's clear through some of my previous posts that I wasn't entirely happy there.

Back to my current employment and at last I'm going to sort out the over time they said I could have. I'm hoping for at least half of the hours that I've built up over the period of time, I did that way back and felt that was the fair way to do things. Saying that, I did have near enough 100 hours worth of over time at that point and so took 50 hours as toil, and 50 hours paid. It may not seem like a good deal, but when your on 21 hours a week, it's over 2 weeks wages and an extra 2 weeks holiday. I like that sort of deal.

In terms of work apart from the normal complaints over my group, all is well... I'm really happy over the case load and really enjoy all my clients, and it's going to a shame to lose one very soon, possibly even 2 or 3 of them. That depends on how things work out over the next few weeks or so. I need to chat to the rest of my team, and also parents. I've got some clients who really need to be in a group rather than a 1 to 1 environment, and thus that would leave me with spaces to fill in my case load. It's always a bit sad to see my clients leave for pastures new, be it moving out of the area, becoming too old or simply swapping service to someone else, but if that's the right move for them so be it.

Life at home is a bit easier, though I've still got to sort through 2 boxes of stuff. One I'm 100% sure of what it is, my collection of hockey cards. I'll have to go through them and see what's what. I'm being honest to say that I've got no really "special" cards, though any Oilers cards are important and I may just keep them, and then get rid of the rest. Like my United programs, I just don't want to get rid of them, but space at my place and the fact mum is getting rid of her house means I no longer have a viable storage space for my stuff, it's really scary, but it's the way that life is right now. It's 3 boxes rather than 2, the third one is full of video's which if I had a video player would be ok, but I don't. Well I do, but it's at mum's. Secondly the only storage space I had for them, was my shelves that I've got up at the moment, but right now they are full of cd's, books and dvd's. There is no space for near enough 100 video's. I've got to decide what I need and want to keep. Oh the joys of trying to decide what's worth keeping after building up everything over 35 years of ones life and to find it fits into one small room is very disheartening.

The one thing that I have left out is that I'm trying to decide if I can or want to apply for a new job within Barnardo's. It's a job that would mean moving away from Salford, moving away from Lancashire and into the horrible place that is Yorkshire. As nice as the views and sites are, similar to Manchester and Liverpool, in county terms Lancashire and Yorkshire traditionally don't get on. I'm seriously considering this at the moment, and will over the weekend throw an email together to someone to see what they think and to what they know of the role in question.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Rush, Rush and more Rush

As stated earlier this year, my mum has decided to move house. I don't know how much of this was here idea, or my sister suggesting it, but since Hayley came home and mum's fall earlier this year they have obviously been in conversation about it. So it came about last week at Simon's 40th party, that they'd come around and discuss this with mum and I.

Well that didn't happen as this Sunday, Hayley, Simon and Amelia arrived to start clearing things up, tidying things up and in general trying to get rid of anything and everything that they could. This included everything that is mine in the house. OK, I know it's not being used, whilst at mum's but it doesn't mean I'll never want some of the stuff back. However that isn't in the question and I was told in no uncertain terms to start clearing.

With that in mind, I got the shredder out and for the past couple of days I've shredded lots of documents and letter that I've collated over my life which have been kept for whatever reason. It's been a bit of rush job, with no standing for sentimentality by my sister. In fact it's been one of if I'm not doing anything then I'm not doing my duty as such, as was the case last night. I'd spent a good part of the morning and early afternoon shredding and sorting things out yesterday before work. I then went to work, and got home around 6.45pm. Hayley and Simon was there, but within a minute or two of me getting home, Hayley was giving me the eyes and also you tell by her tone in her voice she wanted me to be doing something. So I did, but that wasn't good enough.

There are times when all this talk about my cousin, and the way he treated his mum sounds very similar. Still she isn't as bad as he is, but it's still fairly similar. Still that's the way it is. I'm sure she thinks she can get the house sold quite quickly bur I think she may be in for a suprise, unless of course she's got someone lined up to take the house! That wouldn't be a shock, but still I've got one or two rabbits in the hat on that front which may damage her plans.

Anyway, apart from all that at home, and my mother being oblivious to what is going on, I'm fine. Still as high as a kite after spending some real quality time with my niece over the past few days. She was very bored being left alone at my mum's whilst we all worked. So I made excuses to get out of shredding and sorting my stuff out, by taking her out. It may have cost me on Sunday, but I don't care she's worth it, and it's hard to resist her charms (I can actually, but I'd bribed her to come out on Sunday with the promise of some toys!). She's going to be a really nice person when she grows up, one I hope with a very open mind, as I'll try to expand her knowledge of the wide world.

Friday, May 04, 2007

I'm back on Earth

Well, it's been a few days since I last posted, mainly due to me being far away from anywhere since the last post. I guess having done 3 James concerts of varying descriptions in 3 days (2 on 1 day) my head has been flying in way out places not wanting to come home.

It has landed back home, and full of a cold, but hey what's a little cold after those 3 days? Let's start with the fact that a lot of the fans who post on the James fan site that I have linked to this site (If I have it, which I'm sure I do, but if not it soon will be) organised a meet up prior to the first show last Saturday. I was a little apprehensive at first, mainly due to my lack of self belief in myself and my incredible shyness. However after watching United beat Everton last Saturday morning, I walked to the pub and met up with many a James fan, to whom I'd conversed via the great wide internet, but never met in person. Once that initial fear had been beaten and my guard let down, I really enjoyed the day and the gig at the MEN arena was excellent, more a hits show than some of the previous gigs on this tour, but it was such a well placed set that it went down as one of THE gigs I'd been too.

However, more was to follow!! On Monday morning I got up really early, well not as early as some, but hey that's there fault in a way. Went into Manchester and queued up for a wristband for a small gig at the HMV store. Once I got that, it was a breakfast with some of the people I'd met on the Saturday. We chatted away, before I headed home. Once home I got my things sorted out and had a rest till the afternoon, when I'd be watching the 2 concerts in one day. My legs were quite sore from Saturday nights gig, too much dancing and blisters on my heels were causing me havoc, but that was a minor insignificance really. The HMV show was down on the lower level of the store in a small, but purpose built area for very intimate shows. Around 200 people max were there for a 6 song show, which made it that bit special. After the show the band signed things for near enough everyone. Once I'd got my CD (for me) and DVD (for Lisa) signed, I headed out and across town for another gig at the Academy.

Again it was good to be able to be with everyone whom we'd met on Saturday and some new faces, who were all as friendly as those I'd met previously. It's here I want to point out the dedication of James fans. I was aware that at the start of this tour, people from Dubai, Mexico and Portugal had all attended the Dublin gig, and that there had been people coming over from California for the show. However, I didn't expect to find myself queuing for the wristbands for HMV and standing behind at the gig someone from Alaska. Thanks to one of the many James fans we all met last weekend they got into the Academy gig, which was something completely different to that on the Saturday at the arena. This was the place that the band met, near enough 25 years ago. So it was really a home coming as such and also a time to reflect on the history of the band. As this reunion tour has gathered pace, it's become obvious that the group that toured under the banner of James towards the end of the 90's and very early 00's wasn't at all happy and only did so due to contractual basis.

This tour has seen the band all smiles, and wanting to be the band they were prior to all the disharmony. The return of the main guitarist has signaled a complete change in atmosphere and the group seems as strong as they have ever been, with new songs and old infused into the shows. On Monday night however we got a retrospective gig with few hits, but old live classics that have stood the test of time. It was a beautiful gig, the sheer beauty of it is hard to describe. OK, so some of the people at the gig were winners from the local radio station and thought it was going to be a repeat of Saturday's hit laden gig, but the band made it clear that it wasn't very early on. This was a difficult set for those who only know the hits, but for those who have followed the band through thick, thin, rain and sunshine it was bliss. By the time the gig had finished I was drained and yet full of energy, sad but ecstatic. I can only hope that the Alaskan couple enjoyed it as much as everyone else. I have heard that they looked exhausted after the show, which we all were, but I'm sure it was an incredible experience for them.

Anyway, now it' nearly a week since the first gig and I'm now finding my feet back in the real world. I did do those gigs, I did meet lots of people, I did meet people from around the world and I did meet the band. To make things even better I was already happy going into the weekend, this though made the weekend all the better and no matter how badly things have gone this week, I don't give a jot, I'm happy.......... Yes, folks things have been sent to try me, things have been sent to knock me right back down to normality and whilst they have brought my feet to the ground, that's it, they haven't made me sad or depressed. I just have to cast my mind back a hundred hours or so and I'm back with smiles on my face and near to tears at the power of the music.

Thank you James, thank you everyone from One of the Three, and a thank you to those who haven't been around, but have given me strength over the past few months. I think we all know who that person is.......