Sunday, July 30, 2006


I seem to write about nothing a lot of the time, or at least start with nothing and the go off at a tanget that either I want to or randomly. Today is one of those random days, but if things get familiar then I'm sorry I've no idea where I'm going or what I want or going to write about.

The heat wave that has engulfed the UK has abated for a day or two right now, which is good as playscheme's start on Tuesday and to have them in the intense heat we had would have been murder, not only for the kids, volunteers but me as well. I love the heat, but not when I'm running around at my most stressed, though I'd be enjoying myself deep down. So the cooler weather means more running around and the crazy antics that come into play at this time of year will not be effected.

I think playscheme's bring the best and worse out of me and whilst that may be constrewed as a bad thing by some and good by others, I don't see it as either. At the end of the day I'm there for the kids, and if once during each day I can see a smile on there faces then I'm happy and I think I'm doing my job well. It's very hard to organise a playscheme for children, well for a group of children anyway. It's easy enough if they are your own children, or just one child, but when you have a selection from various parts of the city and the only connection they may well have with each other is that they have support from the organisation which I work for it's very difficult. I mean out of the the 32 children I'll be working with over the 3 days of the week, only 4 or 5 girls out of that group. So I've got to decide on things that they'll like, whilst not making the scheme very much a boys club. I'm not complaining, it's the norm in many ways.

It seems to be something also that the closer I get to playscheme's that I'm starting to relax a bit, which means that I'm feeling a bit better. I guess that by the end of it all I'll be more than stressed, but I think it's a different type of stress and one to which I can thrive on. That reminds me I need to get my holidays booked in, and sort out the week of my birthday. I know that Lisa has asked me to keep the Saturday between our birthdays free, which shouldn't be a problem as I'm not going to be going anywhere. I'm in London on the Friday with work, but will be coming home that night, even though I'll have travelled down on the Thursday. I'm actually looking forward to that. Talking of that week, I think I'm going to treat myself to a present, one of my favourite singers is performing in Manchester the night before my birthday, Cerys Matthews, formerly of Catatonia will be performing at the Uni. So I guess that I might have to purchase a ticket and go and see the excellent Cerys.

See I can enjoy myself and I have plans to keep myself happy, but things never seem to work out quite the way I would like. I'm going to ask around to see if anyone wants to come to the concert with me. It's not as if I can't go to a concert on my own, but it's always better to have someone to go with. It maks the night even better, but hey here's where my plans fall apart perhaps, trying to find another Cerys fan who wishes to go and see her live will probably turn into a futile effort and I'll end up going on my own. Not that I've done that sort of thing before.

I shouldn't be getting myself depressed by writing the above, I should be feeling positive about myself and feeling good with playscheme's around the corner. Though the above isn't depressing in itself, it is rather negative and the more negative things I write the greater the risk of me becoming depressed is. I'm not going to be depressed, it's like a mantra as of the moment, it's difficult not to be with the way my life is, but then when I relax and enjoy myself life is wonderful, it's full of energy etc. the top and bottom of it is that if my life was any other way I'd probably be bored with it. At least the way it is right now, gives me variety and an insight into aspects of life that the majority of people have never experienced and probably won't either for that matter.

Going right off topic here, and onto another, I've just heard the ice cream man in one of the adjoining roads, and am awaiting the chimes to suggest he's in my road. I've not had a ice cream for a while, well I lie about that really, as it was probably about 2 weeks ago. Yet, I've decided that once he arrives I'm not going to have a "99" as normal, I'm going to choose something else. I'm going ask for a nougat wafer. It's one of those things that temps my fancy now and again and today is one of those days. I do like the idea of the ice cream van coming to your doorstep rather than you having to go to the shops. As is the case here the firm that does provide this service for this area has been doing so for well over 50 or 60 years. The recipe is a secret and the ice cream is to die for. It really is. I guess that when ever I go away from Salford on holiday's the ice cream is something that never lives up to that which is at home. Most people in the UK, say that a good cup of tea is something they miss while on holiday, but for me it's ice cream.

Where was I with the train of thought?? I don't know I'm just going off on tangents because I can and want too. The only real intention I had when I began this post was for it to last for a while and be a big read as such. I've not done something like that for a while and thus far this is becoming one of those posts. I don't know if any of you who read this site on any sort of regular basis prefer my longer posts or shorter posts, any sort of comments would be taken. I'm not sure if large blog posts actually get read that much, it's something rather different to the norm I guess. Does a large post go away from the heart of what blogging is about? I'm not sure on that one. A blog is an individual's place, someone's home, someone's own idea of what it should be. For me it's a home to my thoughts, my moods and my very odd tangent style of writing. It can be long or short for all I care. It's a place for me to rid my emotions and for me to perhaps say things that I couldn't or wouldn't say to people's faces.

Oh wow, it's now starting to rain heavily and the fact that the clouds are moving in suggests that perhaps later on tonight we'll see a thunder storm. Not so much lightening, but thunder. I hope so as I do like to watch and listen to thunder. Next door but one has there washing out, which is always a little sad, but hey if they want to let it get wet, then so be it. And the rain has stopped as quickly as it started. I still think we'll have thunder later on, but as of yet, after one blast of the chimes I've yet to hear the ice cream van again, so I think I've missed him..... What I can hear right now is certainly a couple of children playing cricket in a back garden, the easily recognisable shout of Howzat has gone up a couple of time as well as thud of the ball hitting a wheelie bin.

Again a nod to yesterday, I've seen three or four squirals today, and all of them have ran across the fence in next door's back garden. They've obviously ran to go to the tree, but have realised that since they felled it, or cut it back, they have no protection from danger within the tree and must continue to the next tree. I am still in a state of unease at the felling of the tree, but they must have had there reasons I guess.

Saturday, July 29, 2006


Well today has been a real slow day so far. I got up at around 7.30 after many times waking up in the night, but I knew at 7.30 it was time to get up and get the day going. The only problem I haven't got the day going yet and it's now turned 11am.

Let's begin with the fact that yesterday I swapped my phone for a new one, which I'm happy about, as it will stop all the pestering from the people that I bought the phone from. Ok, I gave in to them, but at the end of the day, I've got a phone which is probably that bit closer to the one that I would really like. For the technophobes out there it's a Sony Ericcson W810i, the W standing for walkman phone. This thing can now act as my MP3 player as well as my phone. That's something that I've wanted for a while now.

So this morning on getting up, I started to play around with downloading theme's and stuff for the phone as well as throwing on ringtones and mp3's to listen too at later dates. I didn't do too much stuff online nor did I even think about breakfast or a cup of tea. It was at around 10am that I suddenly realised that I'd not eaten or drank at all this morning. I can't even blame the drink I had last night. Lisa is in town, for her auntie's birthday, and was in the local pub, so called me up and I went and had a quick chat and drink with her and Wayne. Well chat isn't the word, more like a quick shout, as the Karaoke was going on.

So this morning was passing me by and I wasn't at all bothered about the world, till I suddenly realised something. Today is the 3rd anniversary of my last major surgery. Well I've only had 2 major surgeries and one of those was on my knee. Some of you may be aware of that and the other. It brought a smile to my face, and an even bigger smile came across my face, when on going to redcafe as I found that one of United's all time great's Ole Gunner Solskaar signed 10 years ago today. It was a day of anniversaries of changes in people's lives. I was quite cheerful, till I suddenly looked out of my window.

To my horror, the tree to which I've probably posted pictures of in here, the tree to which I've seen so many squirals and birds playing or fighting that has brought unmeasurable pleasure over the 3 years I've been here, has been cut to peices. The vibrant green hues that greeted me yesterday morning have been replaced by the sight of the trunk and cut branches. It isn't my tree, it isn't even in the back garden to the house I live in, but it's been one of those sights and pleasures that I've had. Now it's no more. The sight of this can be seen at my picture blog. I'm all for changes, as I stated above, today is all about changes, but this one isn't the type that I wanted today.

Apart from going out with Lisa and getting a new phone yesterday, I managed to get most of my paperwork done for my playscheme. Amelia helped me get it done by reading out information for me, she won't remember half or if any of it, but she know's she helped me as I managed to bribe her with getting the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire dvd. She's been wanting it for a while now and I've resisted buying it. She keeps seeing it and keeps asking for it, but I've always put her off. I guess having purchased dvd's for myself earlier in the week (which have yet to arrive, unless they are at mums as I speak) I couldn't very well put Amelia off any more. The thing was though, I wanted her to have earned the dvd and she did just that. It was another part of the learning curve for her. She got threatened with the 1 disk version when she started to lose focus of helping me, which normally did the job. One thing though that did come from yesterday, is that she is very much into Doctor Who right now. It's one of the first non girly type things she's got into. Considering she's now 9 going on 10 in December it's taken her some time I guess.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

A bit too long

I'm sorry for not posting much on here of late, I've been so busy at work that I've just wanted to curl up and go to sleep on getting back home, but 9 times out of 10 I've been online all the same, but just couldn't post anything.

With me having the time off a couple of weeks back, I'm way behind where I should be for playscheme's, this time last year I was already done and dusted and just waiting for the playscheme's to start, but now I don't think I'm anywhere near. Still that's the way of the world I guess, it's still not nice though and I'm going to have do some work at home tomorrow, which is going to take my hours well over 30 for the this week, which isn't good for obvious reasons.

So what else?? Well not a lot really!! I've been so busy with work that I've had little time for me, and that's good and bad to be honest. Good that I can't sit and sulk around, but bad in that I'm not relaxing and finding myself getting worked up. So the situation is a bit two faced for me. I'm sure that by next week, once playscheme's start that I'll be far more stressed out, but I'll be happy as I'm doing the one thing that I love, and the thing that started me off onto my career many years ago.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Que Sera

Time heal that's what we are told, but right now things are easier. What wounds though? The wounds from last night I guess. I really wanted yesterday to be a real happy occasion one where I'd meet up with friends from time gone by. Then of course we had the situation of me arriving late and missing everyone. I think that during my quick revision of the occasion I spent too much time on that last night. So today looking back I perhaps shouldn't regret what went down. I can put a marker down at work though with how the day went, I'm sure it will earn me brownie points.

So what of today? It's another day spent at home doing very little. I'm just relaxing trying to assertain a nice level of calmness, which will enable me to go to work tomorrow on a positive note. I've got plenty of work to do to catch up on, but then at the end of the day, I'll do it and make playscheme's work the best way possible. Not a lot of changes will take place between now and then, with regards agenda's and stuff. I just hope that I can get things done properly.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Cerebal homage

So I've had a drink and I'm about to begin a post with one of the strangest of titles EVER... I have no idea what it means, or if I can even relate to it in the post like I generally do, but for sure it's odd.

The past couple of days have been ok, though they haven't been quite the success that I had planned them to be. I decided to have my hair cut on Thursday and was hoping to get it cut this morning, but couldn't get an appointment, so I went yesterday. I gave the hair dresser almost carte blanche to do what she wanted, and though I decided on what she should do, I'm unsure on the way it came out. Then today I was due at a BBQ, in Halifax. This started at 1pm, but as I had training at work I couldn't go straight away. As a consequence I didn't get there till late. That was a downer as I arrived the majority of people that I would talk too were going home and I was left with no one to talk too and all the food had been eaten as well. Not best pleased to be honest, but what can I do?

Still it could be worse I guess, well no it couldn't to be honest, but hey ho.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Past and Future

Yesterday's return to work was interesting to say the least. It mainly consisted of an interview with one of the researchers asking me questions about volunteers and the running of the project. Whilst I was aware that this might be the case, it was still a bit of an unknown to me while we were talking, and what we'll get out of it in the long run. Still it eased me back into work I guess, and Friday see's me knuckle down big style to try and get things sorted out and up to date.

I also went up to school yesterday to see the retirement celebration of a couple of staff, including my former line manager. It was good to see everyone again, but it's more proof that I've left them behind, though I still miss the place to bits. I guess that I'll never be happy in a way. I'm feeling better on the whole, but certain area's of my life will never be quite right. I've lived long enough to know where I'll never be happy, but I doubt that I'll never be happy with that situation. I know that no one is perfect, and that perfection is only a dream, but even realistic targets that I set myself in some area's will never be met and that's really sad, but one that I've got to accept deep down. Writing it down and accepting it are two different things me thinks, no I know they are.

Interestingly this morning for some reason I glanced back over last July's posts and hey I was down and dejected then as well!! I've an idea as to why, but that stays with me for the time being. It is something that I may have to explore with others before putting it down in print. No matter what though I've had to fight much worse than what I have done recently and thus I know I'm getting better at fighting.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

back in Work

Well I'm back in work today, and though I expect it to go fine, I've still got a little voice at the back of my mind telling me to be careful, as people will want me to trip up. I'm feeling fine about going back right now, but I'm not sure what I'm going to be expecting as such.

Anyway it's going to be a very long hot day I'm sure. I've also got to attend a retirement party at school tonight for the deputy head that was my line manager there. I'm a little upset that he's leaving, but hey I'm glad for him. He's been a good person to know and work with and I'll miss the contact that I have with him.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Rest and Relaxation

The doctor ordered me to rest, relax and take some exercise and I've done just that. On Sunday I popped up to see my friend's up in Lancaster and though we didn't do much on Sunday as a whole it was very relaxing just sit down and chat. It blew off some cobwebs and helped bring things out that perhaps wouldn't have done with anyone else.

Monday morning however was the time for exercise and it was so much fun. We went down to the local river, and went swimming. Yes, I'm aware that open water swimming in the middle of heat waves can be dangerous, but this isn't something that my friends would do if they felt it was unsafe. They go there a lot and so I trusted them. We spent well over an hour in the river playing around and swimming. To say I enjoyed myself is an understatement. That hour and half was what I needed more than anything this past week. I managed to rid myself of all the demons and troubles, and that's important. I cut my foot on the rocks, but so what that like my mental state can and will heal. The important part is that I feel better.

Today I went to see Superman Returns, and I enjoyed it. I didn't think that I would, but they did a good job of it, and I'm tempted to go and see it at the Imax screen in Manchester where it's in 3-D, that should be some film.


I'll give a more detailed account later on of the happenings from over the weekend. I'm however just adding a post here and another over at the sister site. Then I'm off out, I think I'll go and see Superman Returns during the cheap period at the cinema and whilst it's quiet.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Out of town

I'm going up to Lancaster today, and will not probably be back till sometime tomorrow.... So this may be the last update for a couple of days.

I should say that I'm feeling a lot better than I was, but let's see how I feel about going into work on Wednesday, see how I feel after that before I make any comments over how much better I really am.

Saturday, July 15, 2006


Hey folks, just a small little plug for myself. I don't like putting too many pictures on this site, as it's not really what I wanted out of this when I started it. I've put some pictures on, when I've felt they've needed too, but not too many.

Since buying my digital camera though, I've started to take photo's for fun again. So as my aunt wanted to look at them, and me not being really happy at offering this site too her, as if she reads the whole thing, which is something she would do, she'd be offended. So I've created a new blog site for my pictures and any that I find online. Please if you get chance to take a look in the future do so. Right now it's only pictures that have been on here or that I've taken fairly recently.

It Helps

Yesterday my mum and I went to Chesterfield. Now it was the first time either of us had actually been there shopping, but both had been there or through there before now on other journey's.

So we set off earlyish, as we didn't want to hit the rush hour, but also so we had a long enough time in Chesterfield itself. Things went to plan, cept for one small wrong turn, but that was sufficiently dealt with and down the back roads we went. It wasn't an unpleasant journey, quite the opposite to be honest. I described my holiday at Lisa's as being really enjoyable for the driving that I did and this journey was equal to anything I did during that holiday, cept for no real narrow back roads as such. Then about 2 miles outside of Chesterfield, mum was sick. In the car, on herself etc, she had warned me, and we had pulled over, but that didn't prevent anything.

So after cleaning up as best we could, and on mum's directive we continued into Chesterfield, parked the car and went for a look around. First objective was to buy a new top for mum, which we did in the end, but even then more problems were to arise. Mum wasn't 100% and prior to even looking around the shops had been unwell again, though not sick. We managed to purchase a couple of tops for her, and then she went and changed into one of them. We had a cup of tea and things seemed fine, but then again mum was sick. After cleaning up again we went for a look around the market and some of the back street shops before deciding it was time to leave.

To say that I was a little nervous about the journey back was an understatement, but what ever the problem was, mum was fine. She'd been sick, though she wasn't 100% she wasn't sick or anything. We tried one pub for lunch, but it wasn't open so we went to another one, one which I'd been in before a few years back with Barnardo's on a playscheme. We had a really pleasant lunch in really nice surroundings and then came home.

Now this may not sound like a good day for me, but it was!! It was the driving I guess, it was something which helps me relax, something I enjoy doing. More so going down the A and B roads of this country rather than the motorways (highways). Beautiful countryside, quintisential British villages and extremely nice weather. What more could I ask for?? It helped me a quite a bit and to cap it all off, I forgot to take my AD's in the morning and I didn't get het up at any point, nice and chilled all day.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Keeping Busy

Well this first day of the week of sick leave has been quite normal, though relaxing. I've done very little, well that's a lie. I went out to a local water park (not the play type, just a lake to be honest). Anyway I didn't find what I wanted, but had a nice relaxing walk around the lake, and enjoyed the weather. Then on the way home I stopped at a deli, and found they were selling Hershey chocolate bars, so I grabbed on of them, and enjoyed the little treat.

This afternoon I cut my mum's lawn's so that kept me busy and gave me some more exercise. Tomorrow I'm going to be taking mum to Chesterfield to the market there. It's a hell of a long way just for a market, but it's a drive for me. As I've said before I enjoy driving and this drive will be down A road's which will be nice and relaxing rather than just pure motorway driving. It will also enable me to stop for lunch at some point. Neither my mum or I have been to Chesterfield before other than for stops on coaches or trains. I do know that the church spire in the town has a crooked spire. It's quite odd looking to be honest.

There you go, in all it's crooked twisted glory.......

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Enforced Break

Well I've got a weeks sick note, in which I'm going to see a friend up in Lancaster and see how I feel about things after that. I've also been given a stronger anti-depressant to take, which may help me further than the other one. I'm not 100% on the idea of doing this, this way, but right now if it helps me then I have to give it a go.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


Something inside me has exploded and caused me to implode once more. I've got to face the facts that something is really bothering me and I'm not 100% sure what it is. Is it my appearance? Is it me as a person? Is it work? What is it that has caused this?

I walked out of a training session this morning, which may lead me to being in trouble at work, but I had to do something. For since enter that building yesterday my mood has tumbled down from being quite good to zero. I'm feeling insecure about myself and everything else. I don't know what it is, but something has snapped and I can't put my finger on it. I've booked an appointment with my doctor for the morning with the hope she'll give me either stronger AD's or a sick note. I'm sort of hankering to the later, but we'll wait and see on that one.

One thing for sure I never want to go back to that building again, nor do I ever want to see that trainer again. That has put me off that place for good and I won't go back. It's a negative building for me, it's horrible, it's nasty, it's depressing. I went into that place quite happy, in fact if we look at what I wrote on Sunday I was quite positive about things. So why then within hours of me writing that post was I in the deepest hole of despair? I really don't know? It's me I guess, but what I wrote last night I mean.

I hate myself at the moment, for being able to lose everything that I've worked hard to get over the past few months in the space of minutes and hours. I've lost all self confidence, self belief, and being of one's self. I'm nothing to no one, I do not mean a thing to anyone and should I drop dead here and now, I bet it would be sometime into next week when someone would find me. I'm telling you, no one really cares about me.

What have I done to deserve to feel this way? What have I done to be like this? What have I got to do to change this? I don't know, I've been to several councillors and yet apart from Cherie, none of them have ever helped, none of them have been able to get me to be honest and work to a point where I could be happy in life. I've got no one that I can turn too!! I would turn to Lisa, but I always turn to her, and who else is there? Kirsty is a good friend, but she's been through enough herself of late. I can't turn to my mum, she'd have no idea of how to deal with me right now. All I've got is myself and I have to sort that out. How though????

Monday, July 10, 2006

From Cloud 9 to 1 with a BANG!!!

3 words will be at the bottom of this paragraph. 3 words which are strong powerful and very meaningful, when put into a sentence. 3 words that express how one feels right now, and 3 words which might worry some.


Short, blunt and in need to stop early

I was going to start this with a quote, but I can't quite recall the quote in full and I haven't got the quote written down in my little black book either. So I can't, but the gist of it was, you do what you like, not like what you do. Right now, that's how I feel about work.

I'm enjoying the work that I'm doing with the children, but everything else isn't enjoyable. Still I guess it's better than it was at the school. Whilst on that subject, I found lot's of interesting little bits and bobs out with regards school over the weekend. I'm not going to divulge them, but wow have I missed some things.

Sunday, July 09, 2006


Looking back on the past few weeks I can see that I've been more and more positive about life. I've even been more positive about work than I care to accept. Is it down to that assertiveness training I went on? No, I don't think it is, but I do think that has perhaps helped put a different slant on things. I'm viewing things as they are and am able to contemplate saying things that I would only have dreamt of saying weeks ago.

Still it doesn't make work any easier does it? I have to accept that I've got to do something to make all this thought and anger go away. I've got to make a fool of myself, I've got to make myself heard or else nothing will be done and I'll forever sit around thinking what if. What if I'd said that, would things have been different. I'm not scared of being shouted down any more, I'm not even bothered if I stand on people's toes at work any more, I'm confident to be able to defend my own sense of being. After all if I can't defend what I say then who can?

The sense of being I'm finding at work is also having an effect on me in life in general. Maybe for the first time in ages I'm starting to feel ok about being alone, not bothered about being on my own. Yes, being around someone is always nice, it opens up discussions and adds something to ones life, but it's not always what one needs. I can spend many an hour on my own and not feel lonely, but there does come times when one does need company. Right now it isn't one of those times and though when the time comes around again I'll probably moan like hell, but still I'll come at it from a more positive mode by then.

I do think that the anti depressants that I've been taking for the past 3 months have helped me a bit. I think they've given me the more rational thoguht process that I needed to sort myself out again. I do think that my mind does wander off into it's own mysterious concept world, which is so far removed from what is considered the norm that I'm barely able to accpept what is in the real world. So here I sit writing this and accepting that at times I completely lose things and also accepting that at the same time I still do my job.

What does that mean to the children? Well I've previously stated that I of course hold it together when I'm working the best, but is that always a good thing?? I don't know, I've never had to have anyone question me in terms of how I work at those times the closest came at Springwood a couple of years back. Yet, as I hardly worked with the children at that point I don't think it was too much of a problem. I have never done anything stupid if you know what I
mean and wouldn't do when I'm working. At home, after work yes, but never during work.

Where does this fit in with the rest of the recent posts? I don't think it does, it's just that I wanted to make a second post and looked back at recent posts to see what sort of mood I've been in. Today isn't any sort of historical day for me. I've no real memories of this day which pertain to me as an individual, though we are coming up to a major one, but that isn't near enough to send me into this sort of reflective mood. I just think it's the fact that I'm relaxing today and not having to do anything. It's the chill out day for a while, nothing planned and nothing to plan for really. Just a day of listening to music and also playing computer games. I know it's not exactly everyone's way of relaxing, but for me it works.

So what computer games then? Well only one to be honest, and that's NHL Eastside Manager. I've got a real long game running on this game and though it takes time to play, it's a game that I enjoy and can relax whilst playing. I'm not one for car games or games where you have to shoot everyone to death. I certainly can't play first person games, as I end up being sick. So this ga
me is sort of perfect for me. I can combine my love of hockey with strategy etc. I know that the game has a steady following in and around the world and the new version should be with us shortly, which I think I'll pick up. I missed the last one with the intention of getting the third version. Still that's a way off yet. My next entertainment purchases will be season 1 of 24, and season 4 of Six Feet Under and Smallville.


Right now, things are a little duller. The summer sports season has all but finished, the Wimbledon finals and World Cup finals all finish today. That leaves just the cricket and rugby league season for the next month or so. Ok, so everyone isn't so sporty, but for me sport is a part of my life and the next month or so is going to be quiet.

In other area's of my life things are brewing up, into mini storms. For various reasons work is becoming very bi-polar. In that the direct work at the office I'm at is very difficult and very problematic. The other though is my work for the national forum for which I'm becoming more and more enthusiastic about. I've got to email a few people with regards a couple of items for that and then undertake some research and work on issue's pertaining to the forum.

I'll admit that yesterday I nearly quit work... I was so annoyed at the outcome of the "Information Day" that I could have walked out there and then. I'm still very angry at what I learnt and also what happened. I'm going to have say something at the team meeting this week or else I'll just explode at work sooner or later and that won't be a pretty site I'm telling you. It's not just management either it's other things. I feel that we've been kept in the dark and we should be, and when ever we ask questions smoke screens or side steps are taken. I'm very worried about all the deciet that's taking place. It's very uncomfortable.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Good Excuse

One of the good things about the job that I do, is that part of you can be Peter Pan forever and a day. You work with children, you have to keep intouch with children and if that means knowing what's in and what's not then so be it. You can use the same excuse for watching some of the cool new generation of films aimed at children. Without my job, I doubt I'd have gone to see Shrek, Toy Story or any other modern children's film.

So yesterday I took a child to see "Over the Hedge", the new film from Dreamworks, the creaters of Shrek and to be honest I really enjoyed it. The film may not have the adult jokes in it like Shrek did, but it was well crafted and very enjoyable. It also had plenty of trialers for forthcoming films that I can find excuses to go and see with either work or my neice. So I should be happy with the job I do.

Apart from that yesterday was another ordinary day. I'm not doing too much of late, it may be me resting up before playscheme's start, or it's simply me not having a lot to do if you know what I mean, but it's certainly keeping me relaxed and for the first time in ages, and I mean ages the past couple of days have seen me get up around 8am, which is like middle of the day for me. I have to say I'm waking up through the night due to the heat and general mugginess of the conditions, but to me to get a lie in as such is wonderful.

Tomorrow I've got a meeting to attend, so the lie in goes out of the window and I'll be at the meeting from around 9am. I'm looking forward to this meeting, as it's in Manchester and it's going to be nice to be on home turf as such for a meeting rather than having to get up early for a train to where ever. It's exciting in many ways.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Happy at Work

This may sound really odd from me, considering how much I've gone down the road with how I feel for work recently. I had a really nice day in work yesterday. Yes, I enjoyed myself. Not because I had to work, but because I went in late to work whilst no one was there.

As it's time for planning for playscheme's we all need to use the solitary photocopier, and the 2 phones in our office. That causes problems when you've got lots of phone calls and coping to do. So last year I stayed out of the office and would go in later on, when no one was around. It gave me the access to the copier and phones with no one around. So I did the same yesterday and probably got more done than I would during "normal" working hours.

Of course I made sure that I was comfortable, with plenty of drinks, the cd player going and the odd snack. It was so enjoyable, and was powerful enough to make me a bit more positive about playscheme's. Now that I've got that done, I've got to make phone calls to all the parents to either arrange home visits or to discuss the risk assessments and update them. I'm sure the problems that have been mentioned will cause problems for us, but right now I feel that I can get through them.

So what else yesterday? Well not too much, for the best part of the day I stayed in. I did go and buy a fan for the flat in the morning, which I'm glad I did. The heat may not be as intense as it was on Sunday or Monday, but the air is so still. The storm on Sunday cleaned the air up, but it hasn't brought in any breezes to move it along. The fan is just circulating the cool air around and making the room rather pleasant.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Sorry Loxy

I doubt I'll have upset Loxy, but I'm sure that I'll have done enough to earn her wrath. So as way of appology, I'll give you a free shot. You can make any reference to Cujo as you want.

My love for Cujo isn't as much as it was, but whilst he was an Oiler..... I'd have him back tomorrow if it were up to me, but sadly it's not to be.....


Hmmm, the nicer of the two? let the world decide.


There are times when two little words can mean so much. "Thank You" can mean so much to someone, and when they aren't given it can hurt equally as much. Yesterday was one of those times for me.

As written here previously I tried to take my neice strawberry picking the other week, whilst she was on half term, only to find the strawberries weren't ready yet. Since then she hasn't mentioned it to me, but I've not forgot about the failed journey. So, come Sunday lunch time, and she had a couple of friends with her at my mum's place and it was obvious something was up, I mentioned that if she came around to mum's after school early enough on Monday, I'd take her strawberry picking.

So as I arrived at mum's after work yesterday she was waiting for me, and soon got ready and was eager to go pick some strawberries. It was yet again a stunningly hot day, so it was tiring to drive up there for both her and I. Still once we got there and she started to pick the strawberries she soon forgot about the heat and we filled our punnet. On getting back to mum's I read some more Harry Potter too her, and then continued to keep her amused by playing various games with her. Without wanting to take away my mum's role in this, I took over the baby sitting duties in all essense. So when my sister and bro-in-law arrive to take my neice home, a small thank you would be nice for everything, but no the thanks goes to my mum. Not that I expected anything less, but a small thank you would have been very nice, instead it stuck in my throat.

Apart from that yesterday went ok, though of course work could have been better, I'm not going to bother explaining it any more. It lurches from one problem to another.

Monday, July 03, 2006

New Week

Well, it's Monday morning and the start of a new week, well almost. Most people seem to accept that Monday is the start of the week as opposed to Sunday's. Time is a strange concept, as traitionally Sunday is the start of the week, and January the start of the year.

For some though it's different, and it's an odd thing. As previously stated Monday seems to be accepted as the start of the week now, as a lot of people go back to work after the weekend off. Thus it's the start of the working week. This has led the world, and not just around my local area, to place Monday at the start of the week. Now for the year thing!! Having worked in school, since leaving education till last year, for me at times I work on September being a new year. It seems strange, but you do get used to working on different calendars. It's really odd. Like I said the concept of time is strange.

Anyway, where is this post going? I don't really know, it's just something I started and found myself free writing and thus the above theorisation. It's a new new anyway and time to ask some questions at work, which may or may not cause problems. It's not that I want to be destruptive, it's just that some of the questions are in need of being asked and issues brought up. With all the confusion and all the problems that are circulating at work, it's only fair that we bring things up that may or may not have been forgot. I'm sure that post September things will be fine, but till then it's going to be crazy. I just hope that things don't get too crazy and we end up with a major problem on our hands, for that is what I can see happening. Though corners are not being cut, the changes are causing confussion and that's leaving gaps that we can't see.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

For Viewing only

A Nation Mourns

Yesterday was the 90th anniversary of the Battle of the Somme, one of thee if not the biggest battle in any of the world wars. Millions were lost in that battle and very few people who were there live today. The British nation as well as those other nations who took part mourned the loss yesterday or did they?

For yesterday the English national football team were beaten in the Quarter Finals of the World Cup. Whilst over half the population of the country watched or listened to the match, it doesn't come into comparrison for what was given 90 years previously, and yet the football was the top story on the news.

It's not that I'm anti football far from it, I enjoy football, I love football, but there comes a time when the nation has to realise that it isn't life or death, that the exploits of 11 men kicking a ball around a playing field isn't THAT important. I wouldn't even mind, but the English team didn't even wear black armbands, like they should have. Apart from those that died at the Somme, yesterday saw the passing of a true sporting legend in Fred Trueman, a cricketer and a proud Yorkshireman. Even with the rivalry between Lancashire and Yorkshire, I don't think any sports fan in England and those cricketing nations would argue that this guy was a legend.

A very big thank you to those that died for the nation at the Battle of the Somme, whilst it may seem that 90 years on the country you fought for is ungrateful, we shall never forget your sacrafices, your names may not mean much to the world or the press, but what you did, what you gave was more than anyone could have asked for.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Looking Forward

Now the dark week is gone, it's now a bright future or so I hope. The past week is done, it may effect the future of my life, but I'm looking forward towards a bright light. That light is the future and nothing will stop the march towards it.

That's very positive from me, but it isn't in many respects, my life is the eternal march towards a bright future and has been demonstrated often enough here that just as I think things are turning around something comes crashing around me. If I'm sounding as if I've said this before, it's because I have.

Anyway that's that over with, today is a bright sunny day where I've got things to look forward too. Some good television, a possible party and a few drinks. I do hope that it all turns out for the best. Yes, I know it will mean going to my mum's to watch the television, but that's about the norm as most of you will know by now. The party is at a work colleagues, which isn't too far away from here, well it is and it isn't. I may just walk over to it, but then again I may not. Depending on what I do, is to what extent I drink. I do fancy having too much to drink and getting very drunk, it's something I've not done in ages, and like I said recently I need to treat myself every now and again.

Yesterday saw me at a meeting for work, a regional forum meeting, but only 2 of us turned up. Not a great number, enough to make a quoram I guess, but not a lot to make any lasting decisions to which the region would be influenced. Mind you we did decide on a lot of things and also were able to discuss what we needed to do to move the forum along in the future. I guess a meeting with the regional director may have to take place soon though to see how we can progress from here. That doesn't bother me, as it brings to her attention myself and furthers me within the organisation, to which I don't feel that I'm holding the ladder for everyone to climb above me. That is how I felt at the school I worked at, which I hated so much, as it wasn't for the dedication or loyalty that I shown it. Still that's the past and though it defines the present, the present holds the key to the future and if I dwell on the past it will only continue to bind me with it's chains.