Monday, July 26, 2010


It's time to write what I am thinking, or doing right now. Well not right now as that's obviously writing this entry. However, let's get things going by accepting that I've been rather down of late, that in itself is an understatement, I've been more than rather down, but hey the rocky bottom of the pit has been hit and now I'm climbing the walls back to the surface to see why I fell so rapidly, so violently.

I guess one of the contributing factors is the fact that I'm not ailenated from my family, my mother has for a long time now been ignoring me, though she'll say quite the opposite, she has done and it's taken it's toll. About 4 or 5 weeks ago now, I walked out of her house, and haven't been back, and really haven't spoken to her since. She needs to say sorry, she needs to contact me, it isn't for me this time. However, I doubt she'll see it that way and we'll grow further and further apart. It hurts like mad that this is the situation, as my family is so important to me, but they way they have treated me over the years it's no wonder that I'm in the situation I am with them right now. Take this situation and add to it that I was already lonely, it's just added to the crap that I'm having to work though.

Still it's becoming easier and I'm slowly not bothering about them, well I am, but not half as much as I should be. Life goes on, and I'm pounding the beat of my life slowly and with heavy heart. I guess that normality is too much to ask for, but it's all I've ever wanted and never got. Things will change they have to change don't they?????