Sunday, October 07, 2012

People Are Strange

It's not 9am, and whilst I'm sure that I can find things to do, I think that for the best part of things I've got everything done.  I need to contact a couple of people with regards something, but apart from that I should be fine, and they can't be contacted over the weekend, well they can, but I'm not going to, as it's sort of work type stuff.

Had this been any other Sunday I'd be doing my fruit and nut right now, but I'm going out later on and so I'm happy to be sort of done and free to play around for the next hour or two.  However before I go on, I need to look at something that I realise I'm struggline with.  That's selling myself, I can vocalise them, but putting it down in words on an application form, even with all the experience that I've got of them, it's still a drag and still probably the thing that lets me down when I apply for a post.  It's crazy I know, I can type and talk about myself for ages in here or in emails, but when it matters and I want to be positive I find it so difficult.  However, I'll try and work through it and fill in the current form I've got, though I hate having to do it.  

So last night I was out with some old friends at a reunion, and again it wasn't too bad, though when there is only 5 of you it isn't too bad.  At the most we'd only have 15 of us, but out of that 15 I doubt we'll ever see 4 or 5 of them again.  I guess having such a low number makes it more comfortable for me to take in, and it is almost controlable, it isn't a big damage control situation, which makes me fearful of a school reunion.  This is almost spooky, as I write this paragraph and more so the later part of it, I've got The Door's playing "People Are Strange" which is so apt.  Well apt for me anyway, as much as I dislike the idea of reunions, I also have the curiosity to attend to see what people have done with themselves, and I guess it's why I get worked up by the idea to a point.  I know that it would only be for a few people that I'd attend, but of  course I'd end up regretting going.  So I stay clear, and stay clear of any groups on things like facebook.  

Talking of things I try to avoid, Xmas to early.  I've certainly put in here how it comes around to early and how straight after Bonfire night in the UK it seems to appear.  Well this morning I am guilty as charged for setting myself off.  As I got in last night it had started to get a bit foggy, and this morning when I got up at 7 and looked out the window it was still foggy.  So what did I do?  I switched on a song in my head, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer!!!!  I couldn't switch it off either, it was a curse and one I had self inflicted....  Xmas is in December, not October, shame on me.  At least I didn't inflict the singing in my head to the world by singing out loud.  OK, what that should say is saying words that sound like song, but is so out of key and tune that to call it song is an insult. 

Thursday, October 04, 2012

Do I wish to tempt fate???

I started this page with a blank canvass to be honest, I had no idea what I was going to write about, and I really don't know where it's going to go either.  However, I've got my opening and from that point I can but divert and go on a journey to the final full stop.  As I opened this page up I decided to make something for lunch, I decided upon a couple of slices of toast, mainly due to the fact that whilst not being ill, I've got a feeling of stomach ache. It isn't real bad, it's just there and I think some food will help it.  

So as I awaited the page to open I went to my fridge to get the bread out.  I decided to use the home made bread that over the past couple of weeks I've returned to making.  Not as an alternative to shop bought bought, but as extra.  The shop bought stuff is used for breakfast, this is as an enjoyable snack.  The reason I raise this (pardon the bread making pun), is that upon getting said loaf out of the fridge I praised myself that some how over the past couple of weeks I've been slicing this bread I've done so with success, by that I mean without cutting half slices or making a mess of the loaf.  Why is it then, that as soon as I give myself some praise, so slight that it should be insignificant that I fail in 3 out of 4 attempts to promptly cut a slice of bread?  Is this part of Murphy's Law, or is it something different??  I don't know, but it cheesed me off no end that I couldn't cut for toffee just after I allowed myself some positivity.  

Apart from that minor irritation, life is good, I finally got mail today from Canada, my aunt had sent me a jacket she'd bought way back in August, though she'd sent it via land rather than air, so it's been on a boat for some time.  However, it is here and whilst I'm trying to figure out why I had the notion that the coat was red, when infact my aunt never specified the colour (which is black), I've got to say the coat is wonderful.  It will do me perfectly for walking in, it's going to be warm and waterproof and I'm not sure just how many pockets I've got either.  Now it may be a week late, I'm still counting it as a birthday present, so thank you.  All I need to do is wait and see what's on offer in Aldi in the coming weeks, as I did see walking stuff advertised a couple of weeks ago, but then last week it was refered to as outdoor wear.  If indeed it's walking stuff, then I can add a couple of things and start building up my walking collection, rather than using any old thing.  

My next walk should be next weekend around Daisy Nook, which is near Oldham in Lancashire.  it's been a while since the last walk around Kinder Scout, so I'm looking forward to it and it should be a good way to prepare for the walk on Pendle Hill at the end of the month.  A halloween walk around Pendle Hills is always fun, with it's history connected to the local witches trials in the past.  

One's attention though isn't on the up coming walk right now though, but on the up coming weekend meal out with my former student friends.  Another college reunion of sorts, this will be the second of the year, with the same people.  I know the first one went well and I enjoyed it, way more than I expected, no way more isn't enough, I had said I wasn't going, as I didn't want to feel like I would be mocked and be there as a freak show.  As it so happened that didn't happen, my fears were put to bed in many ways, by the reaction of the others, but hey that's how things go.  I'm hoping to go on Saturday and enjoy the night out again.  It's something different, and the topic of conversations should be different to those that I normally find myself discussing which is always nice.  I hope it's as nice as the original and that I feel as positive after this one as I did the last.  It was the last one that softened my stance on school reunions and why when even though a joke my best friend suggested a school reunion, I considered it, even though we've both said so strongly in the past we wouldn't do it.  

That's interesting!!  I started out talking about positives, praise and all that and how when I offered myself some it fell apart.  In times gone by I would have gone on to describe that as typical, but my mindset isn't in that frame right now, however looking at the last paragraph talking about positives again, how I'm hoping that it will be more the same this weekend, if that differs in anyway will it cause me problems??  I hope not, I hope I'm in a better place than I have in the past.  I'm trying to recall when I last failed enough to admit defeat, I'm sure that I can look back through this blog to find out, but I don't want to, I don't want to tempt fate, and yet I did so at the start of this post and probably am doing so now...  We'll find out of course next week, as if I'm in a bad place it will be posts in here every day.