Friday, March 11, 2005

Long Time No See

I'm sorry folks for being so quiet for such a long time. It wasn't that I've had nothing to write about, it's just getting the time or energy to do so. I've had problems with my mind, and also problems with my computer. Major computer problems, in that I've basically had to rebuild my pc over the last few weeks, having blown my mother board, hard drive (broken spindle) and memory all in one swoop.

That led to me losing my pc for a day or two while it was repaired and also lost all my bookmarks in my browser. I've had my blog in my bookmarks for a while, it's just coming here to write, which was the problem. I didn't have enough to do write, or I didn't have the time or energy. What ever I failed and that's unacceptable.

So apart from blowing the contact with the outside world by blowing up my pc, what else has happened? Well, I've struggled with one or two problems, some of my own, and some of other people. Now that isn't something new, but every now and again when they hit at the same time it's all consuming. My natural instinct is to help others, and that I have done, but I've let the caring and protecting of myself go, and it's caused me to slip back down the depressive path. This past week, I've began to rebuild myself, but as I've just gone back into therapy I'm hoping to gain a few new skills to prevent me from losing sight of myself again.

At the end of the day, it's me that lives my life, and if no one else is prepared to or can help me out, then I've got to do it myself. I've known this for years, but it doesn't stop me hoping or wishing that someone might just turn around and offer something. I can't expect Lisa to be there, not right now. Others could have helped of late, but didn't, they didn't even slap my face for me, which would have helped bring me back to me. Anyway enough of this self-centred crap, I've got a life to live and that involves being there for others, and if I'm miserable I can't help those who need the help.