Double Helix

It's Friday the end of the week and the weather has picked up again.  It's a bright sunny day, with what looks like a healthy breeze shooting across the trees outside.  I've not been out to see how cold it is, but I have a fair idea judging on the past few days.

So I've got that bloody tune out of my head and I'm feeling better for it, but now to replace that, I've got the munchies, and there isn't anything in to munch on.  I could go out and buy something, but I don't want to and so I'm left in limbo almost.  Perhaps I may have to go out and purchase something, but what that would be I don't know and I'd be tempted to purchase more than just the one item.  We'll see how things go, I do have to pop out and buy some veg in the morning, and so I may just grab something then, and see if I can last till then.  However, eating less will do me good of course.

So the end of October approaches and November arrives and that sort of indicates it's winter, but more than ever of late, days are bluring together, names of days, dates, and names of months are becoming meaningless.  It's morning, afternoon and night, all over again, I try to rid myself of the boredom by doing other stuff, but that's only taking the boredom away for a short period, not competely.  This is why the other week I watched a tv series back to back all six seasons of it.  To take away the boredom factor.  No wait, this isn't right, this isn't boredom you know, well it is.  This is partly due to the previous paragraph.  I've so rigidily got into a routine of when I eat, when I don't, when I go and chat to freinds, and when I don't that with that routine breaking this week, I'm all at see.  This is perhaps how things would be if I didn't have a routine to keep me in check, this is what it would be like if I couldn't step back and obvserve the crazy thoughts and ideas that I spew out of my mind.  

Maybe I'm jealous of others, maybe I need something new, though of course we've been down that road so many times.  Yet right now I'm not on a downer, I'm not even near to that, though some might think it, however I'm actually on a level surface.  Content, and chipper, could be happier and would have been had a certain person not got back to me very late yesterday and could have organised something with me.  However we will sort something out at some point.  No it's a odd mood and not knowing  that I feel today.  I'm feeling a chill in the air, but I'm not cold, I'm wanting to eat something, but then don't, wanting to do something different, yet not.  It's almost a double helix, but where something are going down, whilst the others are going up.  I give up, I'm not going to explore further that may cause a problem, but I've spent a good few minutes writing in here and that's killed some time and changed the day and given me something to think about.  That's good, it has to be, well to keep the simple brain cells I own active to a degree.

The Entertainer!!!

Some times, I can go weeks without having something annoy me.  Some times it's days or hours.  Right now it's something that I'm doing that's annoying me.  I've got the theme from the movie "The Sting" in my head, "The Entertainer" as it's called is driving crazy.  Now OK, it isn't that bad in terms of musicality, but it's a song that has a history of driving me crazy.  As a child, the next door neighbour's children were both in the local Youth Orchestra, and whilst the son played the trumpet, he'd practise in the back room, which was where we had our living room.  All we'd head were the muffled sounds of him practising his scales, then when he finished his sister would come in and practise.  As she played the piano, her choice of of song was "The Entertainer".  Now listening to that 2 hours a night, 7 nights a week for near enough 4 or 5 years, is it any wonder it can drive me crazy??

So why I've got it in my head right now I don't know, but I want to rid myself of it.  I find myself whistling away and then have to stop and think of something else.  It's stupid I know, and it shouldn't bother me, but the bloody tune is getting to me.  I've just realised that I'm tapping the tune with my foot as I type.  I tap my feet anyway at times, but not to any beat, till I'd spotted that then.  AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

On another note, life goes on day after day.  The seasons are changing the temperatures dropping quicker than the leaves from the trees, and it is only a matter of time before we see houses putting up decorations for Christmas.  I know it's 60 days away, but the rush for it to come get's quicker every year.  However, I wonder under the current economic situation how many people will be decorating the outside of the houses as much as they had started to?  The cost of the electric for houses that do that must be huge, so I'm guessing with all the rises in fuel bills it's got to prevent some people right??  Though I must say the Trafford Centre (local shopping mall) are switching on it's Xmas lights tomorrow, which is just plain stupid if you ask me.  Even though Halloween hasn't always been a big event as it currently is in the UK, we've had Bonfire Night/Guy Fawlkes night on Nov 5th to celebrate with fireworks and fires, we should be letting them be celebrated first before we start to think about Christmas.

Enough of my ranting on that subject, it comes out every year and I do nothing and no matter how hard I'd try I wouldn't be able to change the way things are going.  So I'll rant in my own world and allow those who read my muses a little insight into my little fixations.  It's the one door into me that I allow everyone I guess, though how much of a door I don't know.  However, it's there. 

Distractions

Things have been rather quiet of late, I've reclused myself to watching a tv show from the 1990's from episode 1 through till the very end.  I hadn't seen that series all the way through ever before, and whilst I'd seen so many of the episodes in sporadic bursts and out of order.  However now I've seen the complete series, I see that really they had no sequencial order and very few story lines went through each seasons.  

What this has done has taken me away from the hustle of every day life.  I may not be up to much, but doing what I've done has helped me, as I was starting to find parts of the day a drag, and now I feel that I can attack days again and not to feel bored and down.  I'll see how long I last before I have to decide on another tv series I fancy reliving or starting afresh with.  

So how am I mentally?  I'm free flowing, happy and free of worry for now.  Events move on and whilst I wish I could do other things with myself and with my life and enjoy events, I'm well aware that I can't and will have to make do with other things and to try and enjoy them to the maximum.  I've got things to do over the weeks to come and that's going to keep me distracted as that is a good thing.

I'm about to embark on listening to a weeks worth of radio shows for the rest of the night, which is going to be fun as I said in a previous entry recently I'm really enjoying listening to the radio of late, and that means Radio 4, and 4 extra.  It's nice to pick up these shows post broadcast as I've spent so much time of late away from here, and more concerned about the watching the tv series.  Life's good and I'm contended, it's not often I can say that, but I am.  Somehting is around the corner for sure to knock that out of my life, but whilst I can, I'm going to enjoy myself. 

Freindship Defined

Some 3 weeks or so ago now I got asked a question, a question that I couldn't answer straight away, not because I was asked not to, but because I couldn't answer it that simply.  I've spent some the time since then trying to find the answer to the question, trying to find an answer that didn't match my first thoughts, my only real answer.  It has taken me time, and many avenues of thought to realise that initial thoughts may be the only answer I can give.  

Whilst not wishing to disclose the question or the person that asked the said question, I'm going to write an entry here, that perhaps may throw some clues as to what the question was, and might help me.  That seems a strange thing to say considering what I'm thinking about, but I guess in a way it can't be helped.

Oh no, a rule has been broken, and I'm going to have to fix it.  Easily done me thinks, I have since I started this blog tried not to start a new paragraph with the same letter as the previous one, nor to use the same word twice as a paragraph opener.  In the second paragraph, I've started with "so", which of course is an S word.  Thankfully, I can remove that without really altering the sentence.  however, it's possibly one of the few times that I've never thought about what I've written.  That's odd, and perhaps another post today or tomorrow to look into that reason.

Friendship, what does it mean?  I could quote the dictionary, but I'm convinced that whilst the dictionary may offer a definitive description of it's meaning, it's cold and basic.  For different people it means different things, some things within a friendship means more for one person than another and vise versa.  What does friendship means to me??  

I think for me, friendship entails lots of aspects, I'm not one for allowing people close to me easily I've always felt that I've had to have defences due to my nature.  So what makes me allow anyone to get close to me?  They have to be kind, caring, humourous, understanding, accepting and honest to begin with. People display these attributes in various ways, and everyone is different, I think that in my many years of my life I've probably allowed 5 or 6 people whom I've met to be called friend.  Of them I'll say only 1 has been constant, and she'll be the constant for my whole life, Why that is I'm not sure, I could blame myself for being a horrible person, but I think that perhaps my own sense of what a friend is makes me seem demanding and a very difficult person to know.  I guess that I hold up all friendships I have with the one I have with my best friend.  

Communication is vital in any friendship and I guess that my idea of what communication between friend is too much.  I sort of expect that communication should be two way, as should a friendship.  One of the things that bothers me within friendships is lack of communication towards myself.  I guess that I enjoy writing, meeting and chatting with those whom I call friends.  I tend to write emails, message via any instant messaging programme, but much prefer talking or meeting.  I accept that many of my friends live many miles away from myself, so phone calls are nice.  However it's very rare that I speak to my friends via the phone.  That's something that I miss, active communication.  No sorry it's not miss, it's something that doesn't happen often enough.  It's instant, it can give an idea of emotion within the person whom we are communicating with. 

This post was supposed to be a definition of friendship, but I don't think I've got it, I've not written it perfectly.  However, I hope I've managed to convey some of the meaning of freindship to myself.  I know it's only brief and conceptual but perhaps it's helping me in trying to define my own answer a bit better when I email my friend with the answer to the question that they have asked me.

Autumn

Oh 17 days since I last wrote anything, and in those 17 days myself and my best friend have both turned 40.  Not that we had our best birthdays ever mind you, still always next year.  Perhaps we may have to turn back the clock and consider returning to celebrating ourselves, though that will mean me having money to spend.  

So it's a Saturday the sky is grey and though I've not been outside, I can see it's raining.  It looks like that misty rain that soaks you to the bone before you realise it.  The weather has certainly taken a turn for the worse here of late.  Last week we reached the dizzy heights of 29 degrees, record temperatures for October and late September.  Talk about being an Indian Summer wasn't in it, it was like summer all over again.  Now in a few short days, the temperature has dropped and it feels like it's winter already and that we've missed out the beautiful days of autumn.

As for me, I'm fine I guess. As previously stated, I can't say I had a great birthday, but I'm no lover of birthdays as I've said before in this blog.  They remind me of so many negative things, that I try to block them out, and perhaps that's why I enjoy the second birthday a bit more, but then nobody else recognises that, so it's a no win situation for myself.  I've started to attend a new social group and have been invited to another, which is good news.  It gives me another reason to go out once a month and possibly make new freinds which of course is a reoccuring theme here.  

I've started to fill the days with lots of tv shows of late, the new season of shows has been good, with many shows returning and plenty of good new ones.  One or two I've watched and given up on or have been axed which is unfortunate.  However, that's the way the monkey works and I'm used to it.  So at least I'm not drifting along not doing much.  Saying that I've watched everything today, I'm not really looking at going out to do anything today, no football to watch as it's an international break, so today could be a very long day.  I don't know what I'll end up doing, but I'll do something or other.  Life goes on and things sort themselves out for sure.