As much as I've been down of late the one thing that I've not done is tried to let it effect my work. Thursday was probably the worst day I've had for letting effect me, but I still got through the day, with little more than a couple of tellings off for some over excited teenagers.
Yesterday however was the reverse. I took all the nervous energy that I've been creating and turned in for myself the best I've been for ages. I just led from the front, by being silly, not caring about anything and only caring what the children think. I know that most of them (children that is) had an enjoyable time and though whilst out at the museum they had little contact with me, they all seem interested in what they were seeing. Then back at base it was a case of switching on the gears and moving towards top gear. I felt really good at the end of the session. This could have been my saving grace I guess. I've got a long way back up the hill to the top of my emotions, but this was certainly better than of late.
Mind you, you get home and then are presented with the one of the worse situations one can choose from. A cup semi final, being played between two of your teams biggest rivals. The problem is who do you support if any? Who do you want to win. It was painful, I neither wanted Liverpool or Chelsea to win for various reasons, yet one needed to win and whom did I want? It was horrible and even more so that this was being played at Old Trafford. I hadn't realised that Liverpool fans had the end of the ground where I've sat for so long. I'm going to have to take a couple of wipes with me next time to clean the seat before I sit down on it. I don't want to catch anything from them....
I may not be as miserable as I was this time last week, but I am still hurting deep down, still crying and feeling lonely. I am being rather English in showing that "stiff upper lip" whilst in the crisis. I hate doing that, but it's something that I've always done, and I've always hidden the crisis. You know from reading the posts of the past week that I'm hiding something, I've already alluded to that, and won't be telling you what till it's sorted or I'm comfortable with it.
Talking of being English, today is St. Georges day, the patron saint of England. I must applaud Manchester City Council here. Regular readers will be aware of my disdain of Manchester as a city, for all they have taken from the wonderful Salford, but I have to give praise where praise is due. They are holding a St. Georges day parade today along with many little side shows and an "English Market" in the town centre. This is the first time they've done this for years, well as long as I can recall. My mum can't recall anything similar. This of course is in response to the fact that we have had a St. Patrick's day parade for the past few years. At last Manchester is celebrating the fact that although it's a mulitcultral city, it is English. Well done Manchester I'm proud of you for a change.