Thursday, March 24, 2011

The strange maze that is my mind

It's another entry into the blog sphere that is my mind and my moods. Perhaps the weather is having an effect on me, as my mood does seem to be a bit brighter of late, though I perhaps, it's more a case of me having hit rock bottom and I'm on the climb back to relative calmness.

So I sit hear listening to a 6 music show from last Sunday which I missed, but am very happy listening to it now, I only wish I'd remembered to start listening earlier in the session at the library today as I wouldn't have had to stay just so long in the library, but hey it's all good I guess and it keeps me busy and out of the flat for some time. Still no news on the job front for me, so I doubt it will come to anything this time which is unfortunate. So I've got a raft of other jobs to look and apply for, this past week hasn't been a very good week for jobs, but hey that's the way the cookie crumbles.

I guess that as time goes on, and my mood lightens I've got to set goals to attempt not to reach the bottom again, but as I crash so often and have so many coping mechanisms, as mentioned previously I've got sit down and examine the reasons why, and see if I can change the whole situation. That isn't a simple thing, and even if the circumstances were to change and everything that I've said I would want to prevent this sort of thing happening again, I seriouosly doubt it's not going to happen again. I've said it many a time, that happiness is a drug, probably the most powerful drug known to the human race. Once tried, we all look to have some more, but unlike other drugs around in the world, true happiness isn't available from a shop, it isn't bought on a street corner from some dealer, it's something that comes naturally I guess and in many forms.

What is it though that drives me to search for happiness, what is it that comprises of happiness for myself? I have said many things over the past couple of weeks in here that I think are right, and while some may be so, others may not be, I really don't know. I look back on my life for those moments when I've really been happy, and what has taken place before those moments to establish them. It's crazy isn't it that I'm questioning things all over again when I'm proclaiming to be rather happier than before. It's a conundrum isn't it and I'm puzzled by it all, it's strange and as it's my mind then perhaps perfectly natural to be strange.

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