Friday, March 31, 2006

Self Exploration through Others

I read many pages around the world wide web, I read a few blogs and a read many factual pages, either from major international corporations or from everyday folk who devote time from there lives to produce pages that fill one with information and enjoyment.

Every now and again, I see or read something which inspires me, inspires me in many different ways. Tonight, such a thing has happened, and it wasn't supposed to happen. I went over to Loxy's blog, now I've been reading this blog for ages, I've linked to her page before and I know she has a link for here on her site. If I were any way intelligent enough to figure out how to put links on my web page I would do, but I am not intelligent and thus don't.

So what has inspired me tonight to post a third entry for today? I don't know? Well I've an idea, and let me go on. I think it's how open Loxy is when she writes, and the short blog today and the new picture that she's posting of herself does it. Well it's not sort of inspiring, but it is.

This is really odd, I wish that I could be more open with the world about myself, but I'm scared of the world and the world's reaction. A few people who may read this will understand this, and most won't, but there is so much more to me than just the moods that I show on here. There is things behind those moods, for example on Wednesday when I let the spleen go and filled this page with the crudest ever post I've made. It wasn't what had transpired seemingly against me, but it was more to do with me, and how I see others percieving me. That is what hurts, things aren't always straight forward for the world and me. I wish I had the confidence to declare everything and be open with you, but I've not and I don't ever think I will have.

I may be able to write lots and lots about how I feel and what has gone on in my everyday life, but I can cover my tracks or ignore issues here, but you know what that only fuels my own personal anger at myself and that in turn leads to blow outs like on Wednesday. A vicious circle it may be, but it's one that I've grown accustom too and that isn't really fair on me, let alone those who know me best.

Loxy, I admire and applaud your honesty. I only wish that I could be as honest as you are with the world.

No comments: