Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Where Am I??

It's strange that I start off today's entry with a title, normally I start typing without much direction or without any and see where my mind takes me.  Either way I await till I have finished the entry before deciding on the title.  Sometimes it's a word in the post or a general directional title.  Today though the title came to me before I even started, so I guess I have a direction to follow.

What's odd about the direction is that I shouldn't be feeling the way I am right now.  I mean right now as in this evening and not the general past few days.  This week has been quite good in terms of myself, I've been out and about and have spoken to a few people, and really had events been arranged or if they have I've not been informed of them, I should have been out tonight as well.  However, I may come back to that point later.  So the social life is good and I spent this afternoon happily chatting away and yet right now, I'm feeling very lonely.  It's sort of crept up on me over the past hour or so.  I've spent most of the day "doing something", be it traveling having some treatments, speaking to a friend, traveling again, chatting to another friend and watching tv shows.  My mind has been kept busy so to speak.

That's why my mood is so strange right now, and that's why I'm wondering where I am with myself right now.  I should be happy and contented, even though I didn't go out yesterday, I did get a phone call from my aunt in Canada so I wasn't left wallowing at all last night/yesterday, and Valentine's Day does nothing for me anyway normally.  So why today, I'm feeling alone I don't know?  As I previously declared I should have been out tonight.  Well it had been marked in the calendar as a social group, social night, but nothing has been announced and so I haven't gone to see if everyone is at the pub where we had intended the event to be.  I would have thought it would have been advertised.  So is that the reason why I'm feeling alone tonight?  I don't think so it's not as if I haven't been out this week, I was swimming on Monday.  I am out on Friday and maybe Saturday as well.  So why right now am I feeling down and alone?  

No, it isn't what I've just thought, as I was trying to explore reasons in my head for the answer to the question, I thought it might be because today had been so full till about an hour and half ago, that the come down and me relaxing was the issue, I'd come down to far, but that isn't so, I'm quite active in many ways, I'm feel busy and have plenty of things to explore online before I decide to call it quits tonight and go and watch another tv show (some retro show), so that isn't the answer.  I have no idea what it is that's caused this, in some ways I wish my aunt's call last night would have been tonight, I just fancy engaging in some sort of chatter, I don't know it's strange I'm in a strange place, not quite lost, but it's strange as I've no idea how I got there and why.  Oh well no answers are arond for this, and writing for once hasn't been the answer to this issue.  I don't know really what is, however, one shall feel better soon. hopefully...

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