Saturday, February 18, 2012


I didn't post yesterday, I didn't have a lot to say really on Wednesday or Thursday, but I forced myself to post so I could keep up the short burst of intense postings in here, that I did at the start of the year and then died off for the rest of the month.  So whilst I was going to try and find time and then didn't, and then went out and thought of something to say, and then forgot no post yesterday. 

Today however, I am writing obviously, but I have to write today to stop myself really.  Whilst out last night, I realised that perhaps I was being taken slightly for granted, though I left myself open to that by my actions, however that isn't the issue.  I think the issue is that I saw something that wasn't intended to be a slight on me, and I turned it into one.  It's classic me from many a year back, but it's another trait of mine.  If anything the past week or so has seen me spot things in me that I'd perhaps not acknowledged in print or to myself.  That's tough, and perhaps that's why whilst being good, I'm not quite as chilled as I would like to be.  

As I wrote that last sentence or two, something dawned on me.  Last night after getting to bed, just after midnight I went virtually off to sleep, and woke up at around 3.30am.  I didn't get back to sleep really till about 5.30 -6.00am and then only for like 30 or 40 minutes.  However in that period I can recall the end of a dream that I had, where by I was sat in a school playground outside the class rooms, feeling all really down and fighting away the tears.  I think I mentioned to the person who came to talk to me, and I know who he was supposed to be, but it didn't look like him, that I was all alone and everyone gone.  Now that's something I mentioned earlier in the week, and I guess with me turning the events of last night the way I did, I sort of set myself up for the dream I had.  Strange that I can now place the whole dream this morning and make sense of it to a point, I can't work out why I was in the school playground, though I had been talking about my previous employment this week to someone who had attended the school I used to work at, whilst I was there. However, the school in the dream and the person to whom was in the dream, bore no physical resemblance to either the schools where I worked, or the person.  

Well I was going to go out tonight, but it looks increasingly likely that I won't be.  A few old friends are going for a meal, but apart from getting the bus, which I don't want to do I can't get up to the pub where they are meeting and eating.  I'm still not mobile enough to walk up there, it would take a fair bit longer than say the hour, I'd expect to walk it in normally.  It's a shame as certainly one of the people going out tonight I'd really like to catch up with and chat to, it's been a long time since we spoke.  Anyway, things might change, pigs might fly and that may cause the price of petrol cheaper.  Okay, maybe not, but who knows???  

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