Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I'm OK

Today would in most years be the last day of the month, but this being a leap year we've still got another day of February to go.  I wouldn't say it's been a long drawn out month, but the past week or so has dragged on in many ways.  I think that perhaps I'm sort of counting down the days/weeks and months of late, as I'm due an upgrade to my phone and perhaps as I've been looking at some of the new releases I'm getting a little excited by that.

However, this past month has been a reasonable month, I've been cheerful, if not a little withdrawn due to my foot injury.  This though hasn't stopped me one bit and maybe I've enjoyed the added attention being injured has given me, with people asking what I've done and me telling them.  It is after something that I like, but then it doesn't necessarily put me in the middle of any circle for the whole time and enough for me to panic.  It's the perfect scenario, so to speak.  

I'm writing this in the knowledge that it's my mum's birthday and that this is why I wanted to pop over here and write things down.  Up until the last couple of years I'd have been around at mum's giving her her card, wishing her happy birthday etc, but not this year.  She's got her card, but I've given that to my niece to give to her, I don't think I'll even phone.  It does pain me that I'm totally ignored, but having spoken about my sister enough and her husband blanking me constantly, it takes something that when one has been injured, on crutches etc, that my mum doesn't even bother to pick iup the phone and call to ask me if I'm OK.  Yet, that is how it's been, not a call a card or anything.  The past couple of birthday's and christmas's my cards have been delivered via my sister handing the ice cream man a bag with all the cards in for me either a couple of days before or on the day.  That hurts, it really hurts that they can't be bothered, but it's that reason why I've had to estrange myself from them.  They make no attempt to talk to me, they don't treat me with any respect or any dignity.  If over the past 12 or so years they had done, then perhaps this situation wouldn't exist, but it does and whilst I'm playing them at, their own game it may play on my mind, but I'm certainly not feeling as bad as I have in the past.  

Recently I've made new freinds, I've found myself in different situations and I'm much more content with things.  Yes, I know and those who have read this blog long enough that me saying that only leads to me falling down a big dark hole not long after it.  However, I'll be honest I'm content with the amount of interaction with others that I'm having at various meetings and activitites that I'm undertaking right now.  I know that I recenlty went into over drive with that, and not every week will see me out 4 or 5 night a week, but having a diverse range of people to interact with, a diverse range of meetings/activities to go to has certainly made things easier.  I'm not counting the eggs out of one basket and that is helpful.  Yes, of course I will make errors and wrong choices and yes I'll probably end up in a big dark hole at some point this year, but that's something that happens once a year as such, but the more I do, the less chance I guess of it happening.  I'm also aware that very recently I've been doing my maths, I know that with my debts I'm left with little or no money to play with, and that my maths has me knowing that by this time next year I should be free of debt.  Which is a positive, I know that 12 months is a long time, but I also know that it can fly by and that a light has been switched on and I can see the end of the debt tunnel.  That maybe has given me a boost, and added to my contentment.  

So I await the start of March, the 3rd month, a quarter of the year, and the start of spring.  The tree's will soon be starting to come back to life and the days grow longer. Oh and my foot might just get better and I can get back walking again.  Lots of weight to lose, I've got a target, and I know when the target is for, I think I've said that before recently, but when I can't remember, but then I write that and half way through I did, but I don't want to edit it. 

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