Friday, December 30, 2011

Sitting Down

I begin this post with forboding as to where I'll end up at the end of it, the weather isn't as bad as it was yesterday, but it's still grey, still wet and horrible.  Me, I'm in a place on the edge of pot hole, deciding if I'm going to stay looking down into it or take the plunge.  

Whilst that doesn't sound good and it isn't, this isn't the start of a depression, more me being quite upset.  I mentioned in yesterday's post how I'd planned to take my niece out to the chippy for lunch as a treat for her birthday yesterday.  Well I text her eariler on, to set a time to get to her place to walk to the chippy and have lunch.  However, the response back wasn't good, she's being forced to go and visit friends of her parents, and whilst she didn't say anything, I'm guessing from the wording of the text that she didn't want to go, but was being told she had to.  Now this isn't the first time recently this has happended with my niece.  I'm guessing that her mum and dad really don't want me to see her, and if that's the case then why can't they be brave enough to tell me to my face, and tell her that she can't see me.

Saying that, that would mean explaining to her the reasons why and they wouldn't want to do that would they?  They are scared that she'd ignore them and they'd lose a little bit of power on her.  So I'll sit here and suffer some more, and let the storm outside wage it's war to try and get at me.  I'm not going to let it in, I'm not going to allow this to spoil what has been a relativly long period of peace for me.  It will and is causing pain and yes my mood is similar to that just before I sink into the hell of depression, but I know why, I can sort it out, and whilst my niece would like to meet up tomorrow that's a little difficult for me, so it's going to have to wait.  

That's it, I'm not going to say anymore, rather than opening other wounds, and causing infections, then I'll stick to that and make it short and to the point.

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