Oh hell, why didn't someone shout? Why didn't I wake up and smell the coffee? What have I been doing? What could have been so entralling for me to miss what I can see?
The storm to which I've been alluding too has touched down I think? This isn't the best time for it to hit. I've spent the morning doing bits and bobs and the plan was to hit the shops after listening to the football. I did just that, OK the result wasn't great, but I can cope with that. However, on leaving the house, I spotted a group of random people chatting around a car on the opposite side of the road, and I collapsed into my shell, head down, music on and off I walked. Planning on what I would be if I could, and what I had in and how much money I could play with.
Then as I crossed a second road on my journey in, during a change of track I heard a car horn and some shouting, I turned to see the said car turning and people laughing. Was it aimed at me? Hang on why should it be aimed at me? If so? what have I done? I don't know them. In that 1 or 2 seconds I lost everything, all the stability that I've had for months crumbled. I still went down to the shops, walked into Eccles, though as I approached Morrison's more and more people were about, and I was convinced they were staring at me, and yet I know they weren't. I became paranoid, and was bouncing, ready to launch into anyone for anything. However, I collected myself, I walked into the super busy Morrison's but that didn't help, that was just as busy and as I walked up one isle, to find people looking at shelves or moving the other way I felt that they were there to stop me, it was all against me. I felt like I was swimming against a tide of hurricane force.
So upon leaving the store I marched across to Aldi, well marched is the wrong word, walked across trying to compose myself trying to stop myself getting wound up, all the time thinking the world was watching me. I got into the store, and just went to what I wanted, including the item that I forgot last night. Yes, I forgot something last night, it was only a minor thing, but it spoilt the intended meal. However the checkouts were busy, how I got through I don't know, but I did and walked home.
I say walked home it wasn't that easy, as half way home I realised I'd have to cross the bridge, which was a problem, the mood I had found myself in wasn't good, but head down and a march and that was a march got me over it and on my way. Around this time though it did hit me, my attention span has been getting shorter and shorter of late, as can be seen in my facebook updates, I've been struggling to find interest in things, and that's when I realised that I'd failed to see where I was and how close to the storm I have been.
What can I do? Well for one a nice long walk will work wonders for me, tomorrow that is, right now it's getting dark. The very mood that I find myself in and of course the paranoid state won't help So that will have to be tomorrow, I can write in here, and notice how much I've written considering that over the past few days I've been struggling to find anything to write. See how bloody descriptive it is and clear, rather than alluding to anything. Maybe, I've spotted it early and can cope with it, I'm not sure that drinking will help, but it might. It's New Year's Eve for heaven's sake, one of my favourite nights of the year.
Last year I spent it at a friends house and really enjoyed myself, this year I'm going to alone and doing anything that I can to keep me entertained. I know that someone thought I may be going to a party, but I didn't get invited, and so that killed that idea off. I've done NYE alone many a time and I don't mind. So it's sit back and let the storm do it's worse. This probably won't be the last entry today, I may sit down later and do a review of the past 12 months, I've got plenty to write about and plenty to think about. Till then toodle pips.