I wasn't expecting to still be up at this time, I had intended to have one drink at midnight and then go to bed. Instead, I've had two glasses of bubbly, and also made myself some toast with tomato's and mustard on.
Leading up to midnight, I suddenly stopped what I was doing and felt incredibly lonely, and with about 10 minutes to go before the start of the new year, I began to cry. I couldn't stop myself and it took me till well past midnight to stop. I missed being around someone, anyone at that moment, and the stark reality of my existance hit home.
Since then I've been engaged in a chat on a forum over a variety of topics, none of which come close to being what the topic of the forum should be about, but hey ho who cares. Some of what been said has cheered me up, I've been silly, and a bit cutting, and I don't care. I've pulled back on occasion, not only there, but in face book too. So I'm fully aware of the way I'm thinking. At least I'm a bit happier to be conversing all be it in a manor that isn't conductive to instantanious responses.
Oh and it's 2012, much the same as 2011. We've still got 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, but this year we have 366 days instead of 365. Woo hoo, another day to be depressed on.
No comments:
Post a Comment