Every now and again there becomes a point where I have to step back and ask what am I doing, why am I here, what am I contributing and that is something that I'm asking myself right now. I feel lost and afraid. Afraid that I'm going to let others down, afraid of letting myself down and a little lost in a mysterious world that I've suddenly entered. I've entered a world that I'm probably capable of exploring, and working in, but feel lost right now. I can see others in this world, all doing meaning full roles, and contributing to it's existence, but I feel I'm wandering around like a stranger.
I am starting to think if I should leave this world, I know I don't want to, but if I can't help out then I should let someone else to replace me and contribute to the well being of the world. Yes, I should give it more time and shouldn't rush into anything, but how long is it before the term rushing can no longer exist? How long is it till the world starts to crumble because the others can't do there own jobs as they are trying to add on what I should be doing? So I am considering what to do, how long before I accept yet another of my failings.
Now is that another reason I'm scared, of me failing, of me continuing the self imagined failings of myself? Probably and that's just stupid, but yet it can be proven. So I fight, I'll fight till I can't any longer, but I'm aware of the failings, and in that I can at least build up what ever and try and help.
However, apart from that, can't say I'm happy, can't say I'm depressed, but I'm some where on the negative I guess.