Friday, November 11, 2011

The Opposite Edge

The whoosh of the wind, the thud of the rain and the warmth of the sun just three elements I've not seen or heard today in Salford today.  Though one thing is for sure I don't know the weather..This past week I've noticed how much colder it's been getting in my flat, so much so at the start of the week I got the hot water bottles out.  It wasn't until Monday when I remembered that it might not be the best idea to do that, knowing what I'm like with them and what damage they can do to me.  Thankfully no damage was done, and life goes on.  However, I've been wearing jumpers or long sleeves inside most of the week to keep my arms warm, as they do appear to be getting cold rather quickly and more noticable for some reason.  The strange thing is, that on going out of my flat I can't say that I've actually felt the cold this past week, it's been rather mild.  Today it's been t-shirt all day, no jumper on at all, it's been rather mild inside, though on going out this afternoon, I was bloody perished.  So why it's getting warmer inside when it's getting colder outside I don't know as I've not even had any heating on since March.  

So insignificant, the above is, but that's life!  Full of the mundane, odd little tweaks here and there.  I sit now thinking of something to eat, trying to push back when I start to make something, so that I'm not going to feel hungry later, and also contemplating going and getting something for tea rather than making.  I'd be on soup and pasta if I make and whilst I know I'll enjoy it, it's just not jumping up and down with me right now.  So I don't know, what I'll do, but whatever I will eat, I'm not not going to eat.  I'm not that stupid (I am, but not tonight), I know I need to eat, it would be dangerous for me not to.

It's Friday alreay and this week has flown by in a blur and I mean that, it hardly seems like 7 days, am I glad about that?  I don't know, perhaps I am, but maybe because I've not been worrying to much about boredom or anything else is why it seems to have been like a rocket ship.  I have been busyish, with a trip to Leigh (as is the norm now) and a meeting last night which went well.  So I guess things have broken the norm as such of my week and that's been helpful.  I'm half considering trying to phone a friend, but I know that she won't answer, she'll be tired, busy or out, so it's hardly worth the call.  I'm not sure I've got lots to say, but I just feel that a real conversation would be nice tonight.  I've been like this for a week or two now, in need of a real conversation, but as each day goes by the need gets stronger, but the amount of material seems less, and the importance of that is now next to nothing.  So why do I still yearn for such a thing?  

Now for the strange part to this blog, and it is really strange.  I feel on edge, right on it.  I know I'm safe, but I'm actually pushing back to safety rather than wanting to go over.  I don't even know why I'm feeling like this, as everything is 100%, so something has put me where I am, or perhaps I'm just seeing land for the first time in a long long time and not really understanding what it's all about.  It's confusing and fun all at the same time, and possibly the most perculiar thing about this, is that it's more positive than negative, hmm when did that happen?  Has it happened?  Time will only tell, so I'm going to try and enjoy this period, and figure out what the hell I'm having for tea.

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