I've fed the photo blog with some more photo's so it's only fair that I should post something here after nearly a week away. Now I was using this and the Myspace account as a ying and yang thing to try and see both sides to my life, but this past week I've stepped back while I have evaluated the situation that developed at school last week.
I'm no way happy with what went down, I have every right to be unhappy about it. I'm going to see my line manager at work tomorrow to discuss it, but that's another story.
As for me, well I'm feeling stretched out to be honest with regards my own strength. I've been cruising at such a good place that last week's fall was painful, it's left me feeling sensitive and rather fragile. I'm sure that if I can just get back to what I was doing prior to last week then I'll be able to jump back up to the point of being happy. However I'm not ready to jump just yet, and that's the scary thought. I know what I need to do, I know how to do it (that's new), but I just don't feel it's the right time. Why am I trying to wallow in the pity? Maybe, it's because I've gained some attention from it I don't know? I may be enjoying being down? Perhaps it's the ying and yang thing here. While I hate being down to be honest, it can have it's good points in that you learn what's important in life, after the highs, but this time it''s slightly different.
I'm unsure that the above makes sense, it's difficult for me to describe this right now, and yet I want to try. It's crazy, I want to write things down and make some sense out of it, and yet I can't. Perhaps I've already made sense of it and trying to find a darker aspect of it all is proving harder to find? Then again I may be trying to find a darker spot for myself than I can justify to myself. That's something I'd not contemplated, that I've fallen as far as I can with this and now I'm going to rise up again. Wow that's an interesting thought and probably very true. The incident at school wasn't that bad, it is the deeper aspect that has gone on for years that reared it's head and to be honest, now that I've decided to take it further that I've not wallowed in the mud of Tuesday. Now that is progress, this could be the answer and also by not posting in here or in the other blog till yesterday gave me time to get rid of all the pain quicker. Oh this is really a nice train of thought.