Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Supposed to be Happy

OK, taking away the events of the weekend, and having started to get my head around the subject, I suppose that I should be happy and glad, I've less than 4 days before I take around a month off work, and less than 7 before Christmas, but something is missing.

I just feel flat, no enthusiasm, no energy to make me happy, and yet there is nothing going on to make me get down. I know I'm prone to depression at Christmas, if anything I hate this time of the year with a large spoon of honey on it. Yet, this is different, I just can't find a happy medium about anything. I find myself hungry and yet don't know what to eat, I find myself thirsty and yet don't know what to drink. I sit on a chair and can't be comfortable, so I lie on the floor or chair and still can't be comfortable. It's something to concern me with, as this sort of mood is the hardest to explain. I'm really in a pickle over this.

I think I'll go and see my manager today and just alert her that I may have to duck out for a day or so this week, if I get worse. It's the wrong time of year to subject anyone with one of my depressions. I have seen the shift in me, I've seen a chink in my armour and can do something about it. I'm sure she'll understand, but I'm going to try and not let it show or effect me at work. I guess the teenage party on Wednesday night will be the one to gauge how well I'm doing in not letting me effect me.

What else? Well not a lot to be honest, I'm plodding along the path towards Christmas and towards next year. I'm sort of looking forward to it, but of course it's just another year, and that's got me thinking. What is left for me right now? I really don't know, there's not a lot left for me to do with my life, and if that's the case I'm going to fall into a wheel. I'm sort of scared of that, but with the money situation as it is, then I've got no real option have I?

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