I sit here a week after my last entry feeling ashamed and sorry for not adding to this blog for so long. I did intend I promise yesterday to add something, but when I got up in the morning, my internet connection failed and thus I was left to wait till I got in last night from school. Add to that I went out last night fairly early for a meal with the other Barnardo's volunteers, I didn't get much time to write. I've no other excuse really for the previous days of the past week, I hang my head in shame for that.
From the tone of what I have just written you may detect a slightly brighter character in me. I'm feeling much better than I did this time last week, I'm not as down as I was, and I'm feeling a bit positive for a change (don't hold your breath on that staying). I know things aren't easy for me, and I've fought and fought for everything I've had, but I should consider myself lucky that I have achieved what I have with my life. Other's are still failing and are in so much distress that they will end it all. Perhap's over the past year or so I've become complacent, and that the will to carry on fighting for everything that I want or need has been lost. That's understandable in many ways, but something that I need to address and quickly. I could make a New Year resoloution, and say I'll never get depressed in 2005, but that would be impossible to predict.
WOW, 2005 is upon us!!! The years seem to fly by these days, is it me getting older or are the days getting shorter?? It's soon going to be 20 years since I left school, even sooner 20 years since I started volunteering with Barnardo's. Lot's of things have taken place over the past years as you can imagine, but since leaving school, things just seem to have speeded up.
I regret losing my childhood, but if it were different I think my life would had been different too. I wouldn't have had such a good friend in Lisa. Yes, we would have known each other at school, but would we have been friends is another question. It's something though that is worth pondering on occasionally, not only for myself, but others. I mean how would things have panned out for you if you could change something about either you or something during your childhood years?
So this past week, has flown by and in a way I'm glad, it was the last full week of school till the Christmas holidays and that can really drag, but this week it flew by. My line manager Charlie came into school on Thursday for Christmas dinner. It was great to see him, he's not been in school since around the end of June of this year, as he's had a few operations. He's hoping to be back in January, which will be great!! That means I can turn to him for a job when I've got nothing else to do, instead of just sitting in reception. It's been hard not having him around around, as we've but up a good working relationship, and in a way that hasn't helped with my mood about work. Let's see how things progress with work. With regards to the post's at Barnardo's. Out of the 4 they interviewed, they employed only 1 person, but she has taken the 31 hour post which is the one I wanted, and they are going to re-advertise for the other 3, 21 hour posts. I may still go for it, and work my way into the position to claim 31 hours when it becomes available.
Talking Barnardo's again, this week saw the end of the Thursday group that I've helped with over the past 3 or 4 years. Little Lads was my friend Vicki's baby, and it was the only thing we worked on together while she was a member of staff at Barnardo's. When Vicki left, Dawn took over the group and we've worked together on it since then. It's probably been the most enjoyable group I've EVER worked with, the dynamic's were perfect and we could do almost anything with that group and know they would enjoy it. As is the norm, and as |'m sure I've said before on here, January see's the annual reconfiguration of the after school groups, and the group we had is lost. It has altered slightly over the years, but this time it's been lost. It's no more. Thursday was difficult in many ways, as I was so aware of how I've enjoyed the group, how much I've put into the group over the past couple of years. I had to do my best not to cry, I had to do my best not to show any emotion in front of the kids. What ever goes on with the new groups in January and through till December of next year, nothing will replace Little Lads, nothing will ever.
So to today, and what am I doing? Well I'll be taking my mum into town (Manchester) to see the European market. It's the last weekend before they leave, and mum hasn't been this year. Well she did go to Cologne to see the Christmas market there, which would be nicer than the one in Manchester, but very similar. Once that has been done we'll get something to eat and return to mum's, as late this afternoon United play Crystal Palace at Old Trafford, so Lisa and I will be attending. After the game it's home and change as we are more than likely going into Manchester for a curry in Rusholme, on the Curry Mile. I suggest this earlier in the week, and I just hope that we go ahead with it, I've not been up there for ages, but it's always great when up that end of town.
Tomorrow may well be a day of rest, as I may the mistake of washing my hair early in the morning again this week, and within a day I've found myself with a sore throat and awful cough. I just hope that if I do get a cold it would be nice enough to leave before the end of the week. I don't want to be full of a cold over Christmas. So tomorrow, I may just stop inside and do very little.
With that all done, and I'm sure that I've missed things out, I'll leave you all to ponder what I've written today and apologise again for not writing in the past week.
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