Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Small pains in the butt

Having rushed an entry yesterday as I listened to the radio and was eager to get out on time afterwards so I  could go take a book back to the library I find myself once more starting to write with something of a tempo and target to go at.  It's late at night, close to midnight and really not ideal for me to be writing I've not got a lot to write about tonight, but I wanted to write so let's see where I go with it.

Due to the general slowness of my pc, I've spent the past week or so watching tv shows that I've got on my computer, mainly NCIS and now the off shoot series NCIS LA.  I've been keeping up to date with all the current shows, but I'm watching these again to get myself back into the world that they live in when the new season starts in a couple of weeks.  It's not that I need to watch I've seen the original series about 4 or 5 times over and the LA version twice I think now.  However it kills time and means I don't get frustrated with the speed of my pc.  I'm also weary of going online as after I had this re-formatted and then had to reset my phone, I had lost all my bookmarks, and I'm not eager due to the speed of my pc in doing all the hard work of finding all the bookmarks again.  They will come however, just not right away.

So what else is new?  Well some of the sites that I've been a regular visitor to are becoming difficult to view these days which is a shame.  As much as I like to go in, read and contribute the contributions of others is getting to me.  I' no longer finding patience to accept the views or shall I put it the opinions of those who won't share or listen to the opinions of my own or others, or who resort to aggressive behaviour when someone disagrees with them.  It is the internet and anyone can contribute to it and perhaps I shouldn't be judgemental, but I guess me being me, and a tiny bit of frustration that's creeping into my day to day life that's causing this lack of control on my part, I don't know.

I say frustration, it's no more than normal, but something is eating away at me, and whilst I could make a decision to end it, I'd find it hard to follow through, due to my own personality.  It's not just in one place it's one or two other places and and that's what's annoying me.  I just feel isolated from what's going on, when I shouldn't be and that I guess plays on my fears of loneliness, as I feel ignored and feel as if it's proving to me that I'm worthless and serve no purpose to anyone.  That's sounds rather damming and rather strong, please understand I'm actually in a good place, it's just that I can see one or two things that are causing me to feel this way and I can't figure out how to change it, no matter what I try and do.  I hope this doesn't get any worse, being able to see the issues means I can step back and help myself and others as is my worth.  

No news yet on if I can continue to volunteer for the youth group I had been working with till a week or so ago, which is a shame, as I would like to do something, let's see what happens in the next week or two, if nothing by the end of the month I'll make some calls and write a fwe emails out to chase it up.

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