Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A Word in my Shell.

Well the weather gods got me back today big style.  It's been quite mild of late, and so that's meant shorts are now out of the wardrobe and being worn, it's no longer cold enough for me to justify to myself that I need to keep wearing jeans most of the time.  So it was with that last night that whilst waiting to go swimming I fought the tide with what seemed like everyone else in stating that it wasn't COLD.  So today, I was sat in my flat watching NCIS, when I heard the pitter patter of rain on my window.  That got louder and a torrent of hail stones was falling and fell for some time.  The back garden looked like we'd been hit by a snow storm.  So when I went to the shops this afternoon, in a nice clear spell, mild and some blue sky.  I got out, and started to walk and half way on my journey I stopped to talk to a friend's mum whom I've not seen for a while.  We started to chat, when one or two drops of rain started to fall, then as I let her go, a return of the hails stones and the same velocity.  I still insist that it's not cold, I'll keep wearing shorts, but still the rain and hail made it cold.

OK, a bit of a confession and this isn't a bad thing.  Of late I've noticed one or two things that didn't seem right.  One of two decisions had been made around me, without my knowledge or will if you know what I mean.  It has upset me and hurt me I guess, I didn't chose for these to happen, but it does have an effect on me.  Looking back and trying to evaluate things, I think that perhaps I may be a bit to blame, but I'm not sure what I can do to reverse these decisions.  I do have to try, but how I'm not so sure, as I thought that I'd actually changed things, perhaps trying to fit in has been the wrong thing to do, I should have stuck to who I was, that was how I'd come to be in the position for the decisions to be made.  I say that in that I wouldn't have been in the situations had I made changes before hand, I wouldn't have effected others the way I have to cause the decisions to be made.  I'm looping around in circles here, as I want to tip toe through things and I'm not sure that I actually know where I'm going through anyway.  

Perhaps I need to retreat, climb back into my shell, sit back and contemplate what I need to do from here.  I need to sort out in my head the what,why,where and when etc.  Oh sack it, I'm going to leave this now, I am fed up of trying to make everyone happy, I've obviously failed and if I knew why, I'd be able to learn, but hey ho.

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