Friday, September 09, 2011

It's lost

It's the end of the week, it's certainly autumnal now, and so the window is now closed.  That being the bedroom window, it won't be opened again till next year now, unless we get the indian summer that I can but hope for.  

When you lose something it hurts, when you lose something and you think you know why, but can't quite say yes that's why it's hurts and it confuses, which isn't a good combination.  That's how things are right now, but whilst I'm slightly confused, I think I've enough sense in me to move on, let things calm down.  I'm not going to go chasing my tail, because it's in front of me.  I need to relax, stop thinking stupid things, stop wishing for things that won't happen and get back into the real world.  That's not to say I'm not in the real world right now, I certainly am, but my thoughts sometimes I catch myself imagining things that perhaps I should be doing.  

So what am I doing to keep calm over the situation?  Well I'm trying to ignore the fact, trying to tell myself that it's not important, and trying to tell myself that life is such that this loss, may be painful, but it isn't my doing, though in a way it was, no the correct phrasiology should be it's not of my choosing.  I'll turn a corner, and see what I can see, it may be positive, it may be negative, but such is life that one can but deal with it when it arrives.  I've fought all my life for acceptance, and have given more than I perhaps should have to get that, but it ends up back in my face most times through trying too hard or my own expectations.  Who knows what tomorrow brings, but the thing I'm certain of it will bring another day and another night.

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