Whilst I reflect on the weekend, I've found a slight calm that is slowly washing over me. I'm still no wiser to what went on, on Saturday night, but I'm not going to dwell too long on it. I should point out that I sent an email to a friend on Sunday discussing the event after posting in here, and whilst my stomach churned once more it wasn't quite as bad as previously. It's grumbling now, but I'm not sure if that isn't due to it being lunch time.
I'm going to endeavour to put Saturday behind me, use it as a one off, I've got to try and move on and carry on looking forward. One or two things are in the pot at the moment, which could be promising, though they can not be disclosed. However, they are positives and that's what I need to be or need to look for. I know I have some fears, and they are fears that I may once never have had, but then I write that and start to think back and I've always had them, they just didn't manifest in the way they did on Saturday. I used to hate the volunteer nights I used to do with the social workers at Barnardo's. The amount of times I'd fret over a big group session like those and once I got going I was fine. I'd throw or kick balls at walls to get rid of tension or anger or fear. It's basically the same thing. Hmm, interesting that I'd blocked that out for so long, and yet I've done things where I've had to stand up in front of bigger groups and groups of elders, peers etc and speak, since without many worries.
Oh the quirkiness of life, and the foibles of my personality. I guess it's something that I've got live with, but I just hope it never mannifests like that again. So still no phone call from the county courts office, I know I said I'd give it till the end of the week, but I'm all but sure that I've not got a position. Back to the drawing board I guess and lets see what I can find, and hopefully to get another interview soon. I doubt it, but I'm not going let it kill me. I know my strengths, and weakneses, I know I'm happy with the jobs I'm looking at are posts that I feel I can do, and even if others don't feel that way I'm confident in my own abilites. I'm confident that the positions I'm failing to get it's them that are making the mistake of not employing me, rather than me making mistakes with application forms etc.
And so to life. it's OK. I guess the poor weather is a factor in not wanting to do much. It's been raining, windy and cold. Till now which is 13.04, I'd not seen anything other than clouds, I can see a thin rip in the clouds showing some blue sky behind. However it is thin and shrinking. Where as before it was slate grey and as dark as it is at 8pm this morning till way past 9am, it's now a bit brighter the sliver of blue was engulfed by the white clouds, which is keeping the far nastier looking grey clouds at bay. In other words it'sa bloody awful day here in Salford. It feels like winter, though we are still in the last throws of summer, it's now we should be hoping for an Indian summer, but it isn't going to be forthcoming at this rate. It would be nice as it's been the coldest summer in the UK for near enough 20 years, not since 1992 I think they said last week have we had a colder summer.