Wednesday, November 24, 2004

On This Day

Today isn't the greatest in the calendar for myself. Two hero's of mine are remembered fondly on this day, for very different reasons. 24th Novemeber 1991 will be remembered as the day Freddie Mercury died, an icon in terms of music for me. I love all music, but Queen transcended styles and genre to produce great music. For them to lose Freddie killed the band and killed the music. I can still recall hearing the words that "Freddie Mercury is dead", it would be 2am GMT and I was lay in bed in my bedroom at my parents house. I knew Aids killed, I was old enough to understand how much of an unknown disease this was. I hoped that they'd find a cure in time for Freddie, but alas it wasn't too be. I still don't know why I woke up at 2am, just as the radio news was to go on air, and as if even spookier I just sat bolt upright, as if I was expecting something bad.

The second reason why today is remembered is, it's my dad's birthday today, and though he isn't with us anymore he's still a hero to me. I know we had our major fallings out, and by all accounts at the end he didn't want anything to do with me, but he was my dad, he was a hero of mine. I miss him lot's and today brings it home to me just how much I miss him. My sister and other family members may not realise just how much I loved him, and how much I miss him. I can sense him occasionally, not often, but at times I know he's around.

So as I remember the hero's it's hard to allow myself much joy. Today is all about my memories of my dad, and the untold joy in the music of Queen.

As for me in general, well things are going to be ok, I know that, but it's just got to take some time to do so. I've got to realise just how much and how far I can go in the immediate future, and how after that I'm going to get things straight. I know that I've got outstanding debts to reclaim soon, but that's not bothering me right now. What is, is how I solve the other problems that I'm faced with on a daily basis. I do need help, and I know it's going to take special help, but who can and who will give that help? I don't know, I really don't know. That though has always been my problem I guess. There is no one local to help me, no one who has stayed around or is within touching distance of helping out.......... That's the price for being shy I guess, or picking the real clever people as friends, in other words those that move out of town.

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