Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Simple it's not

Should I be worried that I'm typing a second entry into this blog for the second day in a row? No, why should I be? I've done it before when things have been OK, so let's leave it at that.

I was just a bit bored that's all, it was time to do something different, and write an entry in here seemed to be the right thing to do. So I'd not even thought about not taking a AD this morning, and to be honest I don't think it's really effected me. Though of course the headache that I've had for the best part of the day hasn't gone and whilst the two are not connected, under more paranoid times I'd be claiming otherwise. No I think the answer to the headache is to take pain killers, but I don't have any and I can't be bothered to go and buy some either. So I'll drink plenty of water to rehydrate myself, though I haven't exactly dehydrated myself over the past day or so. So reason for the headache? I don't know, I don't care it's not something to be looking into really, it's all everyday stuff, though it's inconvienient.

Today has been a wonderful day in many ways, I've sat and read people posing in a forum, trying to justify or trying to make sense of some rankings that have come out today. It's always great standing back and watching people suggest or say something that really doesn't need to be said, or doesn't make sense. What is amusing is that whilst I can agree with some of the crazier stuff being said in the forum about this, I'm also opposed to some of the same stuff that I agree with. That's just plain crazy I know, but the fact is that whilst I understand how the rankings have been compiled, and how that through that understanding I can accept what the rankings suggest, it doesn't mean to say that I actually think they are correct. However I did light the fire in the forum by writing something that I knew would inflame the debate, as well as a link to another set of rankings which would add more fuel to the fire. LOL, that was a bit nasty of me, but hell it was fun.

That I guess is what it's all about fun, if I can't have fun in what ever shape or form, then life becomes difficult. I recently wrote as a facebook status, that I've seen the dark, I've seen the light, and you need both to exist. It was something along those effects and it's true. Fun is always the light side, though of course you can have dark humour! Oh I'm not going to go down that road, the light and dark is bad enough I think. Self exploration has taken place often this year, and whilst over the past month or so I've stopped looking at myself as much, as I've calmed down and started to sort my head out, it doesn't stop me from exploring myself now that I'm light. I guess that I'm never going to really be able to explain myself to anyone, not that I would want anyone to really know me, no I take that back, I mean I don't want too many people really knowing me. I think that would scare me no end. I am who I am, I have real dark periods and real light periods, though I'm starting to think that my light periods or the "good" times don't last as long as the dark, nor do they share the same intensity.

Now that is something that I really do wonder about, why do my moods drop deeper than they climb the opposite way? Why am I looking at it like that right now? I mean I'm sure in previous posts I've explained it like climbing to the top of a roller coaster and then falling off or something of similar ilk. So I've got climb, and I've got to climb higher to generate the speed to drop further as that's physics 101. However it doesn't add up. Maybe, if you recall when I proclaimed that first day that I knew things had changed, after the walk, that I was as high as kite, that I'd shot up from the depths to the top. Maybe because of that, that's why right now I'm thinking the way I am. I mean that instead of just getting to a medium place, one of comfort and one to build a platform from, I went straight to the top and I was expecting to stay at the top for as long as I'd been down at the bottom. It isn't that simple is it!

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