Thursday, June 30, 2011


Here I am again, sitting down to write another entry. This time unlike previous times has a theme, it has a begining and isn't just another set of idea's from which to spawn the post from. Well that isn't exactly true. I've just had a shower, I'm feeling good and ready to enjoy the the day. Prior to the shower, which I'd been putting off all morning I knew I wanted and needed to write something in here. I should or perhaps should have done so last night, however I didn't and so this is the entry that wasn't, but is.

I'll start with what I've prepared and then it will off shoot and I'll free write, but some of this is planned. As I said before my shower I wanted to write, but as I sat on the toilet, trying to understand what sort of mood I was in, I struck upon the title of the blog. I knew what I wanted to write about, and I knew or thought I had to write it before going in the shower. I was wrong I've held the train of thought, inpart to putting the title in before the shower to remind me, but also due to me writing this entrance into the blog in my head in the shower. So yes this ramble is the planned part, what follows will mainly be me writing out loud.

Last night I was feeling rather melancholy, I don't know why, and I can't really explain what the mood was, it wasn't high, it wasn't low but I just didn't feel 100%. I wanted to talk to someone, but whom could I do so, and I didn't feel like writing either I wanted a chat, it probably would have ended up talking via instant messaging or via email etc, but I would have prefered a chat over the phone or perhaps face to face. I know that I've come off the AD's and perhaps I wasn't ready for that, but I feel I am. I'm not sure though after last night and I'm quite happy to observe myself over the up coming weekend before deciding if indeed I need to return to my doctors for another prescription.

So the scene is set, and as previously stated I was on the toilet thinking about what I was going to say, when the title struck me. How that came about was quite simple I was thinking of what text colour I should use for this post. I thought blue at first, but then thinking about it, I declined that, as blue is associated with miserable, down and whilst I'm not 300% happy, I'm not in the jaws of despair. I thought red, as that's often seen as the polar opposite of blue, but that's associated with anger and I'm not angry. So what colour would I use? That's where the title came from.

I was contemplating what colour my mood was in, and why certain colours are associated with moods. I've talked about light and dark recently another analogy of ones personal emotions, and again I'm puzzled as to why that is. I could and perhaps should do some research into it, it would kill some time and perhaps make an interesting change to the normal routine. However, I'm sure that others have done the work, and I should read up, it is a strange area though, and that's got me thinking into the many analogies that we use to describe our emotions, I know I've used lots over the years, and that's crazy. Why can't we describe our emotions simply? Why can't we as a race have defined terms or should I say why don't we have defined terms? I guess it's the complexities of life?

Thus I remain in a mini flux unsure of what state I'm in, though perhaps too much evaluation may be leading me down a spiral I shoudlnt want to go on. Talking of spirals and this is totally left field, I posted a video on facebook yesterday of the theme tune to Jamie and the Magic torch. Perhaps I should try and find some editions of that and watch it, that would certainly freak me out a bit and may well free me up to feel different to that what I am now. Who knows? However that thought came about because of the helter skeltor that Jamie travels down to the magic land with wordsworth his dog. What state of mind I'm in is a really odd question, if I'm wanting to watch an episode or two of a childrens tv show from the very late 1970's. It could be worse I could be wanting that, followed by Chorlton and the Wheelies and The Banana Splits. What were the people that thought of these shows on?? I'd like some of it what ever it was!!! Oh now the train of thought has come the full circle, I was going to leave this at the end of the previous sentence, but thought about leaving on a question as to what colour should I use, which circled onto a segment from another kids tv show, to which I've got a DVD of, Bod. With the animal orchestra, trying to guess what flavour milkshake the frog conductor would ask for at the end of the show..

Now that has put a smile on my face, I can link something out of nothing, and something that is so out of the box in terms of where I started, I certainly think I'm not down, I'm more up than down, but it's a strange place to be, that I'm sure those that know me have seen before, and I wonder if that's a good place or a bad place for me to be? I'm sure some have different opinions to others.

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