12 months since

So it's been 12 months since I last posted and whilst I've been in good health and mentally OK in that period, over the past couple of months my mood has dropped and I need to revisit here and post something new again. 

The world has changed a lot since the last post we have been on lock down now for over 3 months, this Covid19 pandemic has altered the world considerably, what was the norm is no longer and we are having to discover new ways of working, socialising and generally live.  It hasn't been easy for anyone in many ways.  For myself the isolation has really hurt me, previously I've identified isolation and loneliness as being issues I suffer from, and yet again I've not been able to cope.  I must say I can deal with it for long periods, possibly longer now than I could have years ago, but that doesn't mean I cope any better when it hits home. 

A few weeks back I collapsed into one of my dark moods, it wasn't anything that had taken place, just a progressive fall due to not really seeing anyone for around 10 weeks.  Yes, going to the shops, and working online means I do see people, but I can't say that I'd seen anyone that I knew to talk to outside of work in that period.  I went from being in a reasonable place to dark ally very quickly and worrying to a point.  Thankfully my work colleagues spotted my decent and came to my rescue.  I'm slowly rebuilding myself again, but am awaiting some counseling  as I know that I need to explore what went wrong and to look at new coping strategies as I fear my trusted strategies are starting to fray around the edges.  A new perspective and new ideas are in order. 

In the midst of this I want to step back from battles to give myself total focus and strength to rebuild, but I just can't seem to be able to.  Thus whilst not in a bad place I'm low on energy and can see me treading water rather than climbing out, I should be climbing out and putting myself on solid ground, but me being me seemingly won't allow myself to do that.  So I struggle on and hope that things improve, I don't hold much hope out for the short term future, but hopefully in the longer term for sure.