Not again

I'm not sure how long between post I know it's not long what so ever.  Either way I return once again to write and express some of my issues which need work on and try and unpack everything. 

Writing the previous post delayed my whole day if I'm being honest, I'd intended to get out of the flat early to head to the shops find something for my tea which would have meant doing quite a bit of work cooking, even if it was only for me, I just wanted to pamper myself.  I got the email which sparked my climb up to the top of the slide and jumping onto it. I then started writing and writing and getting lost in my thoughts, finding them and calming down which spoilt my writing process.  I paused for breakfast, came back with focus on what to write and then I got distracted and that focus left and so I wandered from that and the previous post jigs and jags all over. 

I finally got myself ready to go out, but in doing so it scratched the surface of so mnay of my problems that I had to write again.  I know what the issue is, I know what the action to remedy this situation is and I've moved to do something about it about 3 to 4 years ago.  I followed it up, about a year or so later and we are still waiting for the outcome.  It's so frustrating, I know right now nothing will be done, nothing an be done due to the pandemic, but I'm just hearing nothing and no matter how much I chase it up nothing seems to be going forward and it's frustrating.  I could if I would get this sorted myself, but I can't afford to do that and so I've got to wait for help, but it's just not coming soon enough.  I don't know how to deal with it properly, it's having a huge effect on me in terms of self confidence which is low anyway. 

As I was going to go out, now I'm stopping in, I'm not going to go out which isn't great it isn't helpful but it's the only way forward.  I know what I need to do, but

a) I don't think I can do without fear or opinion

b) Imposition and I don't know that even if I did do people would understand. 

Life isn't great, I'm not great...  Hopefully soon