I feel now is the time to make a jump, one that I would have made many months ago normally, but way back whenever, when I started to take anti depressants once more the doctor instructed me to take them for at least 2 years, well I can't recall if it's 2 years on or not, but I feel it's time to jump off the edge and leave the help behind.
Now this isn't a rash decision over the past few weeks I've been forgetting to take my AD's as I have to take them at night rather than in the morning, so it's not as if I'd be making a huge step of just stopping, though I'd say I'm not taking them more than I am right now. So this is the right time to take the jump. Let's see where I'm at, see if I'm in a position to live without them. I'm certainly not in the same place I was when I started to take them way back when and though I have to say I've had a bad patch recently I can't say it was a horrific low, nor was it going to cause damage.
So I start this next phase openly and hopefully those that know me, those that read this, may keep an eye out, to see how I'm going and to tell me if I should return to the help.
Yesterday was possibly the reason as to why I have made this decision, and it's a strange one. My electric meter was full, I had to contact the estate agent to get them to get the landlord down to empty it. I thought I had till 5pm, as it was roughly £1 for a day's worth of electricity, however with price increases etc that turned into 17 hours and at 10.30am I lost power. Instead of spiraling thinking I could do nothing and life was over I was calm, I didn't scream or shout. I sat about doing what I could in the flat, cleaning where I could, reading, writing and thinking. It what anyone would do, instead of the crazy mad things I could have done, would have done in the past. Apart from calling the estate agents a second time late in the afternoon to say the landlord hadn't been yet, and as they were the ones who contact him and would be closing soon, a second call to remind/follow up where he is was the sensible thing to do.
This sort of behaviour is what I normally reserve for my work environments, it's the sensible me, not the one that I leave at home, so if some parity is starting to occur between my home and work thinking then I'm more than happy. It has to be a sign and under the circumstances that I make this move. There have been other things, and they have been more significant, yesterday's incident confirms what I've been thinking about now for the best part of 2 or 3 weeks.