Saturday, June 13, 2015

Out with the old

So a third post today, though it's technically only the second as first was written last Thursday, and just copied and pasted into here.  Why I didn't throw it out on Thursday I don't know, but who cares, no one knew right.

It's about time I changed the face of this place, as I tend to do every now and again. Today I've found myself really bored and down in the dumps, I guess being back home alone and back into the mundane of my life has hit me.  Also the fact that I've written in here, that I've started to delve into myself to try and find answers to some of the things I've spoken of before, has hit a nerve and it's not a cheery one either.  

Trying to pinpoint where I am right now is difficult, I'm not depressed, well not depressed as I have been and I'm in control of myself right now.  I guess I'm just sad, and miserable, lacking in self confidence and belief.  I know those are always low, but they are lower than normal, so that mean on a numerical scale I'm in minus figures for them, as normally they'll be around 2 or 3 out of say 100.  

During the previous post I mentioned that my mum had passed that was last August and it really didn't hit and and I don't think it hit me like it hit me when dad died.  Was that due to being on Anti-Depressants? I don't think so, it may have been in part due to the fact that we'd grown apart due to her inability to accept things.  I've spoken about that in here on many occasions, and so I guess in the end it meant that I wasn't effected as much by her death than dad's.  It should also be pointed out that we knew it was coming rather than the shock of dad's.  There are times I miss her, obviously, but the same as I can be said about dad.  Anyway I know this isn't playing a part in why I'm down.

Anyway, in the next few weeks I'll be off to the Chorlton Beer festival, and then off to see James once more.  I'm looking forward to the James gig, though for a time today, I was talking myself out of going to the gig, and letting my ticket go.  That's some where I've not been before and I don't know what brought that idea on, but I'm back on the idea of going and looking forward to it.  Delamere Forest should be a beautiful venue to watch them play, and if the weather if fine then we (I'm going with others) should be in for a lovely day.