Monday, July 29, 2013

Reflections with time.

It's the middle of the morning on the Monday after the weekend just gone, I'm feeling chilled and relaxed with a sense of happiness.  However, now is perhaps the best time to reflect on the events of Saturday.  I do apologise for the rambles on Saturday, but they had some cathartic benefits for myself and I know and those that read these entries also know that sometimes my ramblings help me get over what ever has taken place.

What took place on Saturday was perhaps a bit of a shock for myself, I don't think I was expecting to be in such a position, nor did I expect it to cause such an effect.  Though I entered with some trepidation into the workshop, it wasn't what I was expecting either and that's the thing that perhaps caught me off guard and allowed what followed to happen.  That though doesn't explain why I felt as I did straight after the event and for the best part of that day.  I didn't have chance to think about it yesterday as I had other things to do and concentrate on, but that in itself gave me time to reflect as well.  

Every argument has two sides, not every question can be answered right or wrongly either and I guess that's how it was on Saturday, and knowing that perhaps makes things easier, and I guess I should take that point of view.  It was perhaps though the workshop content, the history of unease towards other parts of society, and being so outnumbered left me feeling all alone and vulnerable.  Perhaps anyone could given the situation have felt as I did, anyone any time, but it was me then and that's why I have had to write and evaluate the situation.  Even the future situation needs to be looked into.  

Hindsight is wonderful, and perhaps it may have been better had I not entered the workshop at all, though this has been rejected by others and I can accept and understand the argument for why that wasn't the right thing either.  I guess it was good for me to be in the session as it provoked something within me and that had I not gone in, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be learning about myself or trying to figure out all the what? why? how? right now.  What ever it was, I've allowed myself to move on, look at it and learn and build from it.  What I'm building I don't know, but what I do need to do is gain from it some how.  

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