One thing I've not mentioned really in any of the blogs I've written and this is something I'm slowly grasping and doing so with pleasure myself, is that I've found myself a new metaphorical home.
Many of you will know if you've read some of the older posts on here, that I volunteered for a organisation for 17 years, before moving across to work for them for a further 6 years, making my attachment 23 years with that organisation. I started my involement with them at 15, so it has taken a big chuck of my life, in fact it's still over half of my life that I was involved with them. When I left the organisation I vowed to a point not to volunteer again, and yet my posts from around September of last year will show you that I did just that, and subsequent posts probably stated how much I enjoyed doing so as well.
It wasn't though till recently that I realised that perhaps my own acceptance of where I was volunteering and also that I had settled into volunteering there came home to me. One incident made me sit up and take note, and I'm now well aware that although I spent so long with Barnardo's and enjoyed my time there, that that isn't home any more, that isn't the main charity. Yes, I'll always have time for them, I'll always give to them, but home is now where I'm at. That's where I feel happy and energized to do things at. That's where I'm willing to give up my time to do anything I can for, because I feel welcome, because I feel I can once again contribute.
Now I know the mojo is slowly coming back, that's twice today or twice in the posts I've written since last night that I've stopped dead in my tracks with something I've written, something that I've written has made me think "Oh wow, that's an issue I hadn't thought about". I'm feeling as if I'm contributing. Now I've used variations of that word all over the posts these past 24 hours, and that's never hit me as it did at the end of the last paragraph. I don't know why it has hit me like that, but it has now, and again I've got something to go away with, look at and think about. Why would making a contribution make me feel good again, and why wasn't I feeling like that towards the end of my days at Barnardo's??? What stopped me feeling like that, was it a What? Was it a who? If so Why?
Whoops it's looks like I've opened a can of worms for myself to consider, but that's good, it shows that I've moved on and can look at it all through different eyes, and new perspective and perhaps being so long in one place made me blind and oblivious to the situation. That can help me now, I don't know if I'll be with this organisation for the next 22 years, who knows? I'd like to think I could do that sort of thing again, but who knows? Anyway, I've got a new metaphorical home and I'm so glad.