Sunday, April 04, 2010

Wait and See.

Well yesterday was certainly an intersting day. I can look back with a little hope, a little regret and some positive to be honest. So what made it so intersting?

I guess it started some time in the afternoon, I had been to the pub to watch the football, and was fairly frustrated at the result, which was understandable after the performance United put out yet again. However, I can accept defeat and poor performances as I've seen plenty of them over the years, so frustration was the only emotion I had. I left the pub and started to walk back to my mum's and after about 100 yards or so burst into tears. I couldn't stop for ages, and for the rest of the day was a constant battle to prevent myself from crying henceforth. There was no obvious reasons for it, it certainly wasn't the football.

Later on, after I got home and was pottering around on the internet, and noticing that a friend was online, I opened a chat with them, however they failed to respond, and whilst that isn't unusal, when they eventually went off line it struck me, as once again I burst into tears. I guess all I wanted was a chat, all it was, was me being lonely. I know I see certain people often, but I guess every now and again all I want is a chat, about anything. What didn't help either I guess was that whilst at home I hadn't put any music on, and thus things were ever so quiet as well. Once I realised what was upsetting me, I addressed the situation, I put the radio on to listen to that, and read a book. I let myself get transported out of my room and into another world, and it certainly helped.

So the positive is that whilst I've not exactly spoken to anyone, I've spotted the situaiton, did something about it and have moved on rather quicker than normal. Yes, it did help getting an email from my best friend for the first time in while, and I guess I should have spotted a sign or two earlier in the week, when I started to question over why I'd had no response from her to an earlier email and text. I know I like to be instantanious in responding, but I've grown accustomed to most of my friends response times, and any delays become obvious. However, when I start questioning why no response I guess I should realise that I'm getting a bit desperate for a conversation or something.

Now that it's over with today is a new day, I'm feeling a lot better and am moving forward. How forward I go I don't really know yet, but hey the plan is for a huge leap today and if I do, I'll be quite a lot happier full stop with things. So we'll wait and see.

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