4 Years Ago

It's 4 years ago today since my dad died, it's around 4 years ago to the minute that I got the phone call from my mum to say that I should get down to the hospital as fast as I can. I think I did 2 or 3 miles in just over 18 minutes, but it was all in vain. By the time I got to the hospital my dad had died. I blame myself for his death, I know that one or two others blame me for his death, but as time goes by I am slowly taking that blame away from me.

I miss my dad, I miss our arguements, I miss his humour. I want him back, even if it is for just 10 or 15 minutes, just tell him I'm sorry, I'm sorry for all the heartache I caused him, I'd tell him how much I'd loved him, and most of all to thank him for being such a wonderful dad. I never got round to telling him that. That I guess is what hurts more than anything, was not being able to tell him everything I wanted to tell him.

I wanted to use the diary entry I made on the day of his funeral here today, but I just couldn't get it to paste. I'm sure that if I was a bit more computer savvy I'd be able to do so, but it's powerful stuff that post, and reading it now sends me into floods of tears, I doubt I'll ever be able to prevent that, it's such a vivid description of how this day 4 years ago panned out.

As a show of respect to dad, this post is in red. He was proud to be from Salford, he was proud to be from Lancashire. Both of these, Salford being his home city like mine, and Lancashire his home county are associated with the colour red. His favourtie soccer team played in red, like him I'm as deep rooted red as could be.

Dad where ever you are, I'm sorry, I love you and I miss you.