Silly games, youtube and something to drink have helped dampen the mind, it's not the greatest cocktail, but it will do. As I write this though I remember that I don't have a counseling session this coming week. So this finding of quick sand I find myself in today will have to stick with me for the next couple of weeks. Hardly the greatest situation I know, but what else can I do. I want to talk about this rather than writing, but I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want to burden my issues upon others and that's such a sad situation to be in. That though is how I am and I see it as being fair to others.
If I'm fair to myself, and often I'm not. Far to often I think I try to kid myself into thinking things, and allowing that to happen. So lets try and be fair, my life is crap, I'm old, I'm going no where, I'm no good at anything and don't know know what to do if I didn't do what I do. I'm too negative to even consider going to for jobs as I don't think I'm good enough to get them, I don't think I'm good enough to further my career and I push people away with ease without actually knowing I do it. I'd like to think that I'm a nice person, but you know what the more I think about it the more I question that, the more I question any notions I have of myself.
Yet in the midst of all the above feelings, I'm not prepared to do anything silly, well ultimately silly. I may do silly stuff that puts myself at risk, but that would mean doing something and to be honest I can't be bothered to do anything.
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