Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Bright blurry balloons.

I've done the first presentation, it was done yesterday afternoon, and to be honest it wasn't as bad as I was thinking it would be. I know everyone was being polite with me with regards what they had learned, but I just hope it sank in.

Of my own performance? Well I know that I could probably do better, at times I honestly don't know what I was focussed on, in terms of my eye sight, it seemed like a blur rather than a class full of faces, and that was sort of odd. I did ground myself a couple of times and that helped me focus on those around me. That's something to learn to do I guess, however it wasn't the horror show that perhaps I thought it would be, and hopefully tomorrow's version will be a bit better and I'll be a little less nervous. Out of 10, I'd give myself a 6. I could have given more information, I could have slowed down a little, which is something I had been practising. I know I had got the presentation down to 45 minutes or there abouts, but it seemed to fly by yesterday a little quicker than that, which is good, but then did I give people a chance to take all the information in. I can praise myself that I didn't constantly repeat myself and whilst area's could have been improved, it conveyed the message. Of course the time frame was short and not alot could be put into it, however it worked. If tomorrow goes as well, I'll be happy. I'd like to see what I could do with other subjects, one's where I've got to do a bit of research perhaps, but for a starter for 10 it was a nice for 6. I do need to look at this area, of course to work on my presentation area, but hell this could be something to investigate a little further.

So for once a quite positive entry into here from myself, something has to go wrong? Well there is a couple of things not quite right, but they can be fixed, not by me, but they are mechanical rather than emotional and so I shouldn't be too distracted by them. Though of course they do play a small part in my life and thus I want them to be sorted. They will be done, just not right now and if things go completely pear shaped which anyone who has read this blog will be able to tell you does happen a lot to me, they will be used as evidence as to why things have gone wrong.

As I wrote the above, it occurred to me that things go wrong, things go right, it's the ying and yang of life. Without negative, how do we find positive?, sadness and happiness, they are all intertwined within us. Some of us, and I include myself are more sensitive to the extreme's of these rather than the smoother calmer middle area's and whilst today, I can say that I'm happy to sail these waters, I know when I'm in the depth of the negatives, the sadness and upset, I'll be pleading for the calmer middle area's. I just guess that unlike others, I find the calmer area's a little harder to find than most. It's trying to fight the extreme area's that takes so much of one's energy at times.

Still right now the area is calm, I'm finding the area to bright sunny positive area's easy to reach today, if I could block my way back for ever to the middle and negative area's I would be a horribly over happy person to know. I guess the people I know, the people I call mates and friends wouldn't want me around like they don't like the dark and moody me either. So hey I'll live with the extreme's, as long as others realise that this is me, and your stuck with it..

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