I write this part in reflection, part in anger and part in frustration. I spent the weekend doing all the bad things that I can, in some respects it was a blow out of major proportions, but it was something that I needed to do.
Let me point out that I know who is to blame of that, and that's myself, and I can't lay the blame on anyone person. Yes, various factors involving lots of people that I know led me to the position I was in, but I can not attribute them to that, it's the way I've always coped at times of frustration at myself rather than depression. That was what it was frustration more than depression, and if people who were around think it was depression then they were very much mistaken.
Yes, I shouldn't of allowed them the viewing of my frustration, but better to let it go than to retain it and let it get the better of me at a later date. I guess that I've alienated some people, but hey that's not for me to worry about, I was very much alone before that and so if I'm a little bit more alone then hey what's that going matter?
What I do need to do is pick myself up tomorrow and go about my business as normal. I do need to confront someone at work, over there behaviour last week, and I'm sure that I'll get a negative response from that, as it's something they'll either say they didn't do or didn't mean to do. However that excuse is now becoming tiresome. It's something that I'm very much aware of and it's starting to hurt more each time it's being done. I'm not going to go down the road of thinking that it's a ploy by work to get me into a frenzy, but it's becoming more and more common again and it's something that has to stop, not just for my sake, but the sake of the project, as it will eventually harm them more than me.
It's very surprising what a day or two makes, and right now I feel on top form, again no one is going to believe that one, but it's almost as if the rust that has been building up around me of late has been shaken off, I can be myself again and if that means bordering on the insane, or living on risks then so be it, that's the way life works for me at times, and how I enjoy it.