Monday, December 31, 2012

Is that It???

I hope that this post can be done quickly, as I'm at home, it has started off promisingly......

So it's the end of the year, rather than the end of the world as some ancient set of people had predicted, and a time of reflection is in order.  I have been trying to think of how to go through this post and I don't wish to make it a ponderous review of the year, as near enough everyone will be doing that, and the majoirity will be far better than mine and have far more content for others to read, rather than the infrequent (as they have become of late) posting of what is at times my diary and my mood finder.

In general I think for a change 2012 has been a good year, I don't recall any major periods of long term depression, well not the type that has me on the edge of despair and clawing at the doctors door to give me anti depressants.  That's a positive, yes I've had downs and I'll be honest coming to the start of December I was a bit concerned for myself, I know someone told me to go to the doctors, which I didn't do and I've managed to even the keel some what.  I know that this last downward spiral was in part due to my concerns over my health, which isn't right still, and how the total loss of fitness levels is frustrating.  I have never been this unfit in my life, well I tell lies after surgeries I've been laid low and had to build fitness levels up, mind everyone has to do that after most surgeries.  So I think the combinded anger of not knowing what has brought this sudden collapse of my health and frustration of coping has really caused me an issue.  I just about got through Christams health wise, as it took a turn for the worse the preceeding weekend, which made me thankful for not going out to a night club at the very start of the weekend.  

The hunt for a job continues, nothing has yet come my way.  It can be soul destroying, and saps all hope out of you, but I have to carry on and widen my field of application.  However, that was always the intention, and even on narrowing back to the field I had previously worked in hasn't worked.  I know I don't selll myself well in applications, I never have, I've mentioned many times in here that I've never really got a job through the proper channels, even though I went through them on both occasions.  What has transpired though in some ways due to the job hunt is that I've started to volunteer again with a new organisation.  New to me anyway, and that has given me something to look forward to, something to think about and engage with others with.  I'm so glad to be able to volunteer, even if every weekend I do volunteer coincides with United being shown on television on the day I'm volunteering.  It has been very spooky that, and has often meant being totally oblivious to score lines till leaving the buiding, none more so than the derby victory.  

Mentioning sport it has been a year to remember, the Olympics came and went, will be remembered for many reasons, new sports found and old ones (football) forgotten.  I say forgotten, I want to forget who won what, but it's very hard to forget at the moment.  I don't think the pain of that day in May of this year has disipated yet, I've still yet to see "that" goal, I nearly saw it on Sunday morning watching MOTD, but realised before it was too late.  Another NHL lock out has meant the Oilers are at least not last at the moment, it isn't easy following a team so far away, that have lost so much over the past few years, not when you watch a team in the UK which has been so successful.  However, I plod on with the Oilers, knowing we've got a set of young players quite capable of being amongst the best in the world in the next two or three years.  Good times ahead if we find a coach able to harness them.

Closer to home, as with every year, I have met some new friends this year, well some I've met physically, others I've met online.  Some people have stopped talking to me, and whilst that hurts, and I'll be fair it is evolutionary in terms of lack of communication, I don't think I've let it effect me to much, maybe I've been hurt too much in the past to feel that pain, or I've got to the point where by I don't care, either way I'm not sure if it's a good place to be or not.  I'm not going to delve into that here, it isn't worth it and I may end up in a worse spot than when I started.  

So ends this year.  One of my most productive in this blog and I'm happy with that, though I did curtail towards the end of the year.  Some of that is due to not having a lot to say, and other due to the state of my pc.  I don't know if I'll be able to correct that next year, but 2013 is around the corner.  The day's will break, we'll see rain (hopefully not as much next year as this one), sunshine, we'll feel the wind, warmth and cold and night will fall.  In other words life will be the same, so some how we have to make the most of it.


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