Saturday, January 22, 2011


When I grow tired of all the visual images that I digest in a day I know it's time to rest, it's time to stop looking and sleep. Yet, I've never been a big sleeper in my life, I went many years with roughly 3 hours sleep per night, I can happily live off that, but would rather not. Sleep is a wonderful thing, it rests the mind, the eyes and body, something that no matter hard one tries you just can't do voluntarily as well as sleep. So why go on about sleep today? Well it's something that whilst I'm getting enough of, of late I'm not sure if it's of great quality.

Still one sleeps more now than I used, so no matter how good a quality sleep I get I shouldn't complain. This isn't a complaint either, it's just that I know my sleep isn't great, I don't think I hit deep sleep as often as I used to. Perhaps due to the small amount of sleep I used to get, I'd hit deep sleep quicker and would feel way better after say 3 hours than I do now after 5 or so hours. I guess having stresses keeping one awake possibly made sleep better. So would I swap stess for longer sleep time? A simple answer that isn't it, No I wouldn't.

It's the weekend now, and I have often wondered why the weekend has a different feel to it. It's odd isn't it, in that even if you are working it's slightly different to Monday to Friday. I'm not sure what it is that makes it so different, if I could pinpoint that difference I'd possibly make a fortune in the book that describes the reason why. I think it's the same with holidays, most people take them, and feel better for them, yet they are just ordinary days, but perhaps you just spend them doing different things. I'm sure it could be described due to people being a bit more relaxed, but I'm not sure that's the only reason as to why holidays and subsequently weekends feel different to 'normal' days.

Waffling, I'm waffling, I just want to write something that has some meaning, but am struggling to write anything. I could have written about my visit to my former workplace yesterday, but I didn't want to do that, and so I've waffled to try and find inspiration as to something to write, something that perhaps means something or stirs up emotions inside of me. I like writing stuff that stirs up emotions in me, they dont' have to be happy or sad, they can be any emotion, I'm sure or at least I hope that comes out in my writing. I've said many a time that writing is cathartic for myself, it eases away the emotions as I write about them. I think it's the thought process and the options that I present myself when writing about what ever that is the important thing. I'm not saying that I ever follow what I've said I'd do, or if I do it's not always the correct thing to do, but it's perhaps important at that point in time to do something rather than nothing. I've got nothing to explore and hence the waffling, but I just want to write and I'm not one for writing fiction, I've tried and whilst I used to be rather creative or at least I thought I was when I was 9 or 10, that was soon banished into the oblivion. I have plenty of stories to tell, but none of them would be original, or should I say none of the story lines would be original, perhaps the story would be, but too many stories have been written before hand, to make anything original these days.

Wow this has sounded rather negative considering how I stated that I wanted to be more positive, but I am being positive, I'm not trying to kick myself here, this is just me being honest and whilst it may seem to be hurtful and self derogitory, I don't take that way, I look at what I've put and say yeah that's me, but I'm so much better with other things in my life, I know I'm good at those things and whilst I want to improve like we all want to improve, there are things and times when one has to accept that the margins for improvement is less than perhaps we would like or expect of ourselves. We have to accept who we are, rather than continuing to imagine that perfect reality that we dream about, reality is a dream, only dreamers think they don't have any problems.