Tuesday, April 02, 2013

What to say in post 600

Blog post number 600, I don't know if I ever thought I'd write that many posts or at times when I didn't write anything for months on end, if I'd ever reach such a point, however today it's arrived and it's 600 up.  

So where am I at?  I don't know if I'm being honest, yes the holiday is exciting, but trying to save money so that I've got some money to save is a strain.  It's interesting that whilst I'm living this sparse existance, a huge fuss is being made in the press over cuts to benefits and comments made by the cabinet minister responsible.  He claims he can live off £37 a week, and I'll say yes you can to a point.  One week wouldn't be an issue either, but it's when it's multiple weeks that it gets harder and harder, as you realise that the choice of food you have to eat is limited, that the amount of food you have is limited and being able to do the odd thing or two to break the monotity of it all, is taken away due to lack of money.  I know I'm living that sort of life right now.  I know that I could make things a little easier on myself by having a smaller amount of spending money target, but I need to have some money available when I'm away to do some things or buy stuff for myself and others.  

It is my choice to live like I am, basically living off £40 a week, but that has to pay for electric, food, gas and anything else I need during that time.  Oh and not to forget the bills I've have to pay as well, so that £40 shrinks again..  So basically I've been trying to live off around £25 to £30 a week which is nothing at all, but I'm sure that a millionaire MP, who claims more for his breakfast each morning than I am spending for a week on food and electric can do the same.  There is a petition going around at the moment which people are siging in the hope that he volunteers to show the world how he can live on the £37 pounds a week.  I hope he accepts, but to do so for a week isn't enough it has to be 1 or 2 months, to really make him understand how little and how unacceptable that amount of moeny is.

Enough of that, as it makes me mad, it really does and my struggles with moeny are well documented, I'd only just paid off all the debts I'd had and started to adjust to life with a little bit more to play with, when I got the holiday call.  It didn't help with one of the supermarkets I shop at stopping discounting produce, which meant my shopping bills rapidly increased and meant less food in the freezer as well.  So what else is going on?  Stillno contact with my imediate family, which really hurts even with so much time under the bridge.  I sort of kind of hoped that with news of my holiday filtering through from my niece, that someone would have called to moan or say something to me, but no not a word.  What makes it worse, is that after I last went round and offered an olive branch to my mother, and told her she had to contact me more, she's done nothing since.  She's even told my niece it's my doing, that i's me not talking to them.  Well it is to a point of course, but that's because of the attitude that they have shown to me and the total lack of acceptance for whom I am.  If my mother, who I'm sure will still claim it's difficult to accept things, tried and at least got beyond the stage she reached 10 years ago, I'd might make a bit of an attmept to reach out again, but no it's not progressed.  

This leaves me with few options, one of the options I've got is when to explain to my niece, she's currently going through her exams and wouldn't want to throw any spanners in the works in that respect, so I may wait till the end of summer to sit down and have a big chat with her, but I really don't know what that would do anyway.  I know, or I think I know the reaction I'd get from her, and I'm cool with that, but I'm guessing once she says something to her mum and dad, the shit would hit the fan and it would lead to no ends of problems.  Though of course she's now old enough to make her own mind up and if indeed as seems likely she'll be joining the Navy in a year or two's time, she won't be around long anyway to have to live between the battle field that would be my sister and myself.  What would I say to my niece is another thing though, as I'd want to tell her everything, including stuff about her home that she may not want to hear or should hear from myself, but I get the impression from the conversations we've had that she's told very little at home anyway and she'll be glad to moe out.  

Wow what a strange entry this is considering it's the 600th, I don't know why it ended up the way it has, but in a way that's good, my mind is working at it's normal odd ball way and I'm mixing and matching topic's loosely or quite strongly.  Whichever it is, I would say that I'm quite happy with things, as I said previously it's my choice to not be spending money, it's my choice to be saving as much as I can, and I'll continue to do so till I can no more.  So whilst I moan and grumble about the restrictions placed upon me, the fact I'm alive, the fact I've got things to look forward to, the fact I've got other things to do other than sitting around and being here online is good.  I'm occupied, which is important, as over the years I've not been and that tends to lead me to dark places, as I have to much time to think.