The Past and Future

Yesterday's return to work was interesting to say the least. It mainly consisted of an interview with one of the researchers asking me questions about volunteers and the running of the project. Whilst I was aware that this might be the case, it was still a bit of an unknown to me while we were talking, and what we'll get out of it in the long run. Still it eased me back into work I guess, and Friday see's me knuckle down big style to try and get things sorted out and up to date.

I also went up to school yesterday to see the retirement celebration of a couple of staff, including my former line manager. It was good to see everyone again, but it's more proof that I've left them behind, though I still miss the place to bits. I guess that I'll never be happy in a way. I'm feeling better on the whole, but certain area's of my life will never be quite right. I've lived long enough to know where I'll never be happy, but I doubt that I'll never be happy with that situation. I know that no one is perfect, and that perfection is only a dream, but even realistic targets that I set myself in some area's will never be met and that's really sad, but one that I've got to accept deep down. Writing it down and accepting it are two different things me thinks, no I know they are.

Interestingly this morning for some reason I glanced back over last July's posts and hey I was down and dejected then as well!! I've an idea as to why, but that stays with me for the time being. It is something that I may have to explore with others before putting it down in print. No matter what though I've had to fight much worse than what I have done recently and thus I know I'm getting better at fighting.